In the questionnaire you recently completed for me, you rated as “4” the following:

You keep any promise you make to me (“I’ll fill in the questionnaire at lunch”). If you find yourself unable to keep such a promise, you notify me, in real time (during lunch, you text, “I’m sorry – I’m not going to be able to finish it”) and you establish a new expectation (“I plan to complete it this evening, by 9 pm”) and, again, if you’re unable to, you are similarly in touch and manage my expectations.

I would like us to formalize our expectations of one another. As for me, I will, at all times, abide by my code of conduct, above all. I will keep any promise I make to you. I will communicate promptly, and clearly, to the greatest of my ability. I will not pressure you at any time in any way, and will do my best to respect any boundary you establish at any time, for any reason.

As for you: I want to ask essentially the same. Respect my privacy/confidentiality as I pledge to do yours in my code of conduct. And, at all times, I ask that you communicate clearly, transparently, honestly, and promptly with me. Here are a few links to things I’ve written about this all in the past. There’s at least some contradiction among the various things I’ve said (in particular, around the question of responding to a request of mine that’s difficult, impossible, uncomfortable, or just not hot to fulfill). But the bottom line is summed up nicely in this post. It boils down to, give me what I want when you can, and when you can’t, interact with me respectfully. The truth is, I don’t ask anything of you I don’t offer myself: respectful, prompt communication.

Also? I want you to be ok with the guidelines re: clothing I buy you. I’ve bought you a couple of small items to date. I hope you are on board with applying the rules I elaborated in the questionnaire to those items. I recognize I wasn’t explicit about this all previously, so I’m of course open to discussion about all this. But. My hope is you’re ok with that retrospectively. And prospectively.

Are you good with that all? I hope so! And once you say “yes”? You may expect a request or two from me….

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