On how to please me

I have some sort of cognitive block that prevents me from either communicating this well or comprehending what’s so complex about it. But here goes:

Pleasing me is actually quite simple. There are a select few rules.

Overarching principle:

You should want me to have what I want to have, whatever it may be. Commit yourself to doing your utmost to contribute to my getting what it is that I want. Consistent with what is tolerable / comfortable / pussy-wetting for you:

A) I never, ever want you to do something for my benefit that doesn’t make your cunt ache, your clit throb, your pussy wet.

B) [This one is interesting, and bears considerable further thought] I never want to impose demands on you greater than those consistent with your schedule, with your professional and social obligations.

C) If I ever ask you to do something or give me something that fails either test, you must, MUST tell me. I hope, trust, and expect you’ll do so honestly, openly, and respectfully. And that you’ll do so with a genuine desire to find a way to get me something that, though different from what I asked, is at least as gratifying for me to receive.

Some guidelines:

If I ask you for something, there are three acceptable responses, at least one of which should be delivered essentially immediately upon your receipt of my request:

1) [Whatever it is I asked for]

2) A note acknowledging my request, telling me when I might reasonably expect to receive it, and, if appropriate, a description of how receiving my request affected your bodily sensations.

3) An apology and simple explanation  of why you won’t or can’t give me what I ask, along with a proposed alternative, expressed with openness to other possibilities as well.

Some common misperceptions:

I’m in a rush. Often, a distant buddy (or one closer than that) will think that, because I’ve asked for x, I want x now. This is both true and untrue.

I’m impatient. This is closely related – people often think that I find waiting difficult, which I do. But they also think that, somehow, I will fault them for making me wait. Which is utterly false. (As long as they’ve properly managed my expectations – see above.)

And some others. You can name them better than I, I’m sure….