June 2017 - My Dissolute Life

Translating Breitbart headlines

It’s not sex, but I thought, as a public service, I might offer translations of Breitbart headlines for those of you unfamiliar with them.

A sexy waitress compliments me, and I find myself utterly tongue-tied.

Am I who I say I am? How could you possibly be sure?

Open your thighs for me.

Please suck my cock while I read.

Come for me, please. I want to watch.

I really love to eat pussy. A lot. Seriously. 😉

Why does her lipstick match the soles of her shoes?

Psychic memory, and your hands on my body.

They weren’t able to make their phones work. I might well have had sixteen outstanding warrants. They asked me. I said, “No.”