Gangbangs don’t turn me on. But I’ve been conjuring one for Margot, and I want a very particular seat at it.

Mostly I feel dead, and both my knees need replacing — then Margot, Jade, and an email from P out of the blue.

I experience connections as deep and real, but they end not in intentional closure but in disappearance. This is my compulsive repetition of courting and failing to avoid abandonment.

In which – in the company of Charlotte and Milica, I make my first visit to a sex club since the pandemic.

The beginning of a trip to Checkmate – a New York sex club – with Charlotte and Milica.

I suddenly understand why some women enjoy face-fucking.

I really like smelling Charlotte’s cunt in public.

I’ve been thinking about Charlotte. She’s been thinking about me.

A platonic dinner with Charlotte, capped off with a good kiss in the street, and an orgasm sent just a few minutes after we separated.

About to have some yummy sushi with Charlotte.