If you leave (varsity-level instruction)

What follows are a few very explicit instructions as to how to handle separations and interruptions in your relationship with me. These are not (notwithstanding my polite language) requests. They are commands. Demands. They are something akin to conditions.

These are things I need. They medicate what can be, for me, an intolerable psychic risk I feel of abandonment, of loss.


If you leave…

(And for clarity: “leaving” means, if you are embarking on a period of time during which our normal communication will be substantially interrupted, during which my access to you will be meaningfully diminished, during which things will… look different.)


  1. To the extent possible – and as long as possible before you leave – tell me when you’ll leave. Tell me when you expect to return.
  2. When you leave, tell me you’re leaving. And please, take your leave. Don’t say “good-bye,” but do, please, say, “I’ll see you later.”
  3. If your estimated return turns out to be wrong, if your plans change, let me know. Ideally, prior to the moment I might have expected you to return.
  4. If you’ve been away from me, please return thoughtfully. I value audio in this context. And photos. And video. There’s no better way to return to me than to show me you, touching your pussy through your clothes, for me.

Additional preferences

  1. To the extent you communicate with me while you’re gone… please, make an effort to imagine my subjectivity in the moment. If, for example, you’ve disappeared without having warned me you were going to disappear, you might, say, acknowledge that this has happened. You might even apologize. Or at least express a conscious awareness that it’s happened. Don’t behave as if nothing has happened. If it’s been a while since we’ve been in touch, you might communicate some feeling about having not been in touch or, failing that, at least some awareness that I might have some feelings.
  2. If you make a decision that affects me, that you expect I may have feelings about, please tell me before you implement it. Don’t take distance from me by changing your tone, changing your language, changing the frequency or style of our communication, by simply taking distance. Take distance after telling me you’ve decided to take distance.

Things I didn’t know I wanted until I learned I did

  1. If you’re with another guy, please don’t send me pictures of you wearing his clothes. I like pictures of you. But if there’s a reason you can’t send me pictures of you in your own clothes (or, if we’ve established that I want nude pictures of you, nude), please – tell me you’re not able to send me photos currently, and promise me (and deliver to me) more, more than I would have gotten, later.
  2. This is a big ask. I don’t demand it – as I do demand everything else in this communication. If you anticipate not being able to communicate as we typically do, I will be very appreciative if you organize things so I have the equivalent of regular communication while you’re gone. Gmail “schedule send” makes this quite easy for example. This could allow you to feed me with at least as much as I might get from you while you’re around, while you’re away. Ideally? You would ask me what I’d like from you while you’re gone. If time doesn’t permit, though, you certainly could use your best judgment. Your best judgment would, I would hope, be fine. As long as you do it.

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