The best sex blog

Kinkly just published their annual “Top 100 Blogging Superheroes” list. You know, like, a list of the best sex blogs.

I’m not on it.

  1. I’m disappointed – I like when people acknowledge what I do here.
  2. I’m envious – I want the accolades and traffic and attention that comes with being judged to be “the best.”
  3. I’m mystified – are there really 100 sex blogs that are “better” than mine?
  4. I’m reminded how alienated I am – I know that there aren’t 100 sex blogs that are “better” than mine. But there are very few “sex blogs” with much in common with this one. I suppose calling this a “sex blog” is misleading. think it’s a sex blog, but, evidently, it isn’t. It’s a horse of another color.

I want to be #1. I want to be the best, and, more than that, to be recognized as the best. I want the most traffic, the most readers, the most accolades, the most… everything.

But I just want that all to happen.

I don’t want to think strategically about search engine optimization, about social media strategies, about guest bloggers or about participating in contests or other self-conscious attempts to promote this blog.

I have zero interest in the “community” of sex bloggers. It doesn’t appeal to me. I don’t generally enjoy reading sex blogs, and I don’t crave conversation with people who write sex blogs about sex blogging. Neither do I have any interest in doing the work necessary to gain recognition, traffic, or accolades.

This hasn’t always been true. I’ve had friendships, of sorts, with a number of other sex bloggers, and I still maintain one or two of them. At earlier times in my blogging career, I had fantasies about traffic (thousands of visitors!) and publishing (books!). I don’t have those fantasies any more.

I suppose I’ve been cured of them. My blog has found its level, and its level seems to be a fairly consistent audience, with the odd new enthusiastic reader. Once in a great while, someone links to me from somewhere big (like when Playboy linked to me), and it has a notable impact on my traffic. But other than that? I just tick along, doing the same thing, week in, week out.

I used to think I wanted more, but my behavior suggests I was mistaken. I’m content to just write, here, for you, and to trust that if you should be reading my blog, you’ll find your way to it.

wicked wednesday


  1. I’m not on the Kinkly list either, and was really disappointed when I saw that. Until I read some posts by others about how they compile their list. I/My blog is just not interesting enough and I totally see where you come from… writing for the readers who know how to find you anyway. I might just adopt the same way of thinking 🙂

    Rebel xox

    1. It’s NOT that your blog isn’t interesting enough. It’s that they are doing something other than compiling the hundred best sex blogs. Look at their list. There are people there who haven’t posted in months, people who are selling merchandise, people doing all sorts of things. Those of us simply expressing ourselves are a minority there. Also? I was featured my them as sex blogger of the month less than a year ago. If somehow I didn’t make the top hundred after that, it makes me think I either pissed them off our their process is shite. Or both. (And for what it’s worth, in SPITE of being prominently featured as blogger of the month, I’ve gotten virtually no readers from their site.)

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