Top blogs

There’s a meme going around in which we’re asked to nominate our top posts of the year, or other people’s top posts. Cara Thereon, who writes a blog I really enjoy, recently announced her decision not to participate. I’m with her.

It’s been interesting to watch the evolution of my thinking (and feelings) about these rankings that people do of sex blogs, and of blog posts. At the beginning (three years ago now!), I desperately wanted recognition. In the middle (one and two years ago), I think I felt somewhat bitter that my recognition – which was good, to be sure – wasn’t better. And now?

I think I’m almost entirely indifferent.

I know what my traffic is. I know who my readers are. I know what my community is. I don’t fit into any community neatly. I judged for over a year on the monthly e[lust] contest, and, to the best of my recollection – I may be wrong –  none of the entries for which I voted ever made it to the top three, and none of the entries I submitted ever made it to the top three. This left me with the distinct sense that the effort I was putting into judging wasn’t really worth it.

This is fine, I suppose. It’s not my contest. But I mean, it’s really not my contest. The stuff that won was usually the stuff that I’d close the tab on without even reading, knowing, as I did, that it wasn’t for me, simply based on how the page looked, what the title was. (It often was stuff that turned me off, sexually, intellectually, or both. This isn’t a knock on the content: it’s a statement about my tastes relative to those of the rest of the judges.)

My community is small, self-selecting. I’ve made a couple of friends over here in blog-land (Liza, Hy, and one or two more who’ll remain anonymous). I’ve flirted with a couple of others whose reputations I won’t besmirch here. But the truth is, blogging is, for me, highly personal. I love having readers. I love having discussions in this forum. I love learning from you, being forced to think by you, being challenged on my positions, thoughts, by you.

And while there’s a part of my ego that still does, always will, crave a larger audience, greater accolades, more recognition, the truth is, I’ve come to accept that I do this for me, not for you, and certainly not for the compilers of some arbitrary list.

Of course, if you all go over and nominate and vote for me, I’ll be super happy!


Sort of.


        1. Oh goodness no apologies necessary! I just thought it was ironic that I made my way over to that site today, (based on Hy’s post) and saw your comment, when he and I had such a blow out just a couple of days ago.

          1. I got to meet you both just about the tie when you started to drift apart I think. It’s a sad thing to witness. Though why I don’t see your posts? I must go check 🙂
            I’m a firm believer that nothing happens by accident. It was meant to be that you made your way here today. Now what the result of this will be, that’s for you to decide 🙂

          2. Well if you wanna come over and read about it, you are most welcome. He even has his own page.

            Or, you might appreciate my recent posts, which are about some adventures with two men 🙂

  1. Last year I was all over the lists, and while I still want the recognition, and would love to be acknowledged, I don’t have this obsessive-fervid feeling for it like I did last year, which some how feels healthier.

    1. Honestly? There aren’t. I can’t know, of course, what would appeal, but my experience has been that the very few male bloggers I enjoy reading either don’t last long, or neither last long nor are they fundamentally decent people. There’s one – “A Breeder’s Journal” – that I find interesting/compelling/well written. But it’s very different from my blog, and it’s not about straight sex. If I come across anything, I’ll let you know.

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