Jan 232015

There are devotees of The Ethical Slut who are militantly opposed to dishonesty anywhere in or among relationships among the poly world. There’s often a judginess that accompanies this that rubs me wrong. I wrote, almost three years ago, about a date I’d gone on with a woman who wouldn’t fuck me because, at the […]

Dec 152014

Tinder is recalibrating me just a little. In my life, one hundred percent of the people I interact with, I treat the same way: with a combination of interest and respect. I say “please” and “thank you.” I’m genuinely interested in people’s – everyone’s – experience. This is true of taxi drivers, baristas, waiters, retail […]

Dec 142014

A couple of times lately, with at least three different women, I’ve noticed an unfortunate feature of the workings of my desire. Even the most perfect compliance can be drowned out in my head by too much enthusiasm. And by “too much,” I mean something dangerously like “any.” Here are a couple of examples of […]

Nov 202014

I had a series of interactions the other day with a lovely, gorgeous young lady on Tinder. Very quickly, our chat escalated. She was sending me pictures of her gorgeous body, posed precisely as I requested. In a matter of hours, I was familiarized with every part of her. Not just her breasts, ass, thighs, […]

Feb 082013

If you’ve spent a lot of time in therapy (or maybe just if you pay attention to yourself a lot), you’re familiar with the following phenomenon: the situations, relationships, behaviors, which you tell yourself you most want to avoid, you most fear, dislike, etc., are, seemingly coincidentally, the things toward which you most frequently gravitate. […]