I like writing about Charlotte. A lot. As you can see by looking at the volume of posts I’ve created in the last few months. But of late, life has distracted me from my writing. I’ve been busy with all sorts of things – some of which are work-related, some leisure-related, some family-related. All good. But… I haven’t made time to write.
I have a backlog of incredibly hot edgings and orgasms that Charlotte has sent me that I’ve been meaning to post. This is going to be (I hope) the first megapost of such audio. [You know what I like doing? Jerking off to the sound of Charlotte coming.]
But before I get to that, I should give you a sort of update on our relationship. As I wrote earlier, after our first date, Charlotte unexpectedly moved away. For reasons not entirely unrelated to her having sucked my cock the night before, oddly – though I don’t feel particularly responsible for it. Well, in the time since then, we had one other date – when she came back to visit – to great effect. She keeps promising to move back, but… it hasn’t happened yet. She has a new job where I live, but… well, the job sucks. And even though she’s committed to living here, I think the idea of moving here when her job here is tenuous is a little… daunting. Anyway. She’s not here. So she and I have been playing around at a distance – a game I enjoy very much, am good at, and appreciate very much. Especially when I know that a first-rate cock-sucking lies around the corner…. Even as I very much want her here, please and thank you.
Distant play is always a bit complicated. With Marina, it was complicated (I complicated it) in a psychotic way. I allowed my jealousy, and my insatiable hunger for perfect compliance (and my matching sensitivity to imperfect compliance) to poison everything just a bit, rendering it both unsustainable and, often, unpleasant, for one or both of us. With Charlotte, I seem to be behaving a bit more maturely. And, for whatever reasons having to do with each of us and with how we relate to one another, it all seems to be going much more… smoothly.
So here’s the basic complexity:
- It is certain that Charlotte will, ultimately, abandon me. She is single, and dating. I am married, and dating. She provides, pretty perfectly, what I seek in my dating. Which isn’t to say she sates me – I am insatiable. But it is to say that I’m extremely unlikely to (as she fears I may) get bored of her, to jettison her. On the other hand, Charlotte seeks, ultimately, something more/different than what I can offer. She wants to wake up next to her partner. And to do so multiple times a week. Which isn’t to say, necessarily, that she seeks monogamy. But it is to say she seeks something I just can’t offer.
- Charlotte has a relationship to sex and impulsivity that leads her, periodically, to have sex. Not necessarily with someone she cares about. But with someone who she hopes she might care about. We had the aforementioned discussion about the term “slut.” I’m not saying Charlotte is a slut. Or that she’s promiscuous (as she also imagined I might be saying at one point – see below). No. What I’m saying is that, at 6 pm, if I have Charlotte edge for me, it’s not inconceivable that she might, at 9 or 10 pm, be coming at the hands, mouth, or cock of a man she hadn’t met before 8 or 9 pm. There’s nothing wrong with that, except that… If I rev her up, I want the orgasm(s) for me. I don’t want to rev her up for some other dude. That’s just not hot for me.
- Or really, 2a. While I don’t judge Charlotte for volume, identity, or impulsivity, she does. And when she judges herself harshly for fucking a douchebag, or just a guy who she liked fine but probably won’t see again, that’s un-hot for me. Even as it spares me the jealousy I surely would feel were she to have a blast and score a keeper. So lose-lose for me. And add to that, I don’t actually want her to be a nun, to pledge celibacy but for me. That seems just unfair.
- Recently, she found herself texting me at 5 am that she was in the home of a dude she’d just met, without her car, with no Ubers/Lyfts/cabs available, unable to get home without his assistance – which he declined to provide. Not out of malevolence, but out of vomiting. In the wake of that, I offered her some rules – rules offered not to protect me, but to protect her. They boiled down to: for now, maybe, don’t fuck anyone on the first date, don’t go home with anyone on the first date, don’t have more than three drinks on a first date, don’t get separated from your car on a first date, and make sure someone you trust knows where you are on first dates. Honestly, these are decent rules for most of us most of the time. I violate the first rule from time to time (but only, generally, when I’ve been in extensive contact with the person first). The others? I don’t violate. Ever. Except I don’t have a car. 😉 Charlotte liked those rules, and agreed to abide by them.
- As we were discussing the whole challenge of my revving her up for the benefit of others, she suggested that she thought the rules we just recently had agreed on should address the issue. She suggested this as she waited at the bar to meet a dude she had met on Hinge. While the guy she’s been fucking recently is off-limits for two weeks because he got COVID. I pointed out that a) all a first date tonight means, in the context of the rules we’d discussed, is that she won’t fuck him until tomorrow night, and b) the other dude’s quarantine will end soon – and he’s exempt from the rules, as she’s actually been dating him, after a fashion.
She asked me what rules might make me more comfortable. I said, “I would add: you may not fuck anyone in a first sexual encounter,” thus requiring a night of foreplay/kissing, prior to fucking. And I wrote, “And, you may not have a sexual encounter without my specific ok in advance.” It was in response to this that Charlotte wrote, “You think I’m promiscuous.” I said, “No! I wouldn’t withhold an ok for any reason other than a) I’ve ramped you up and want your orgasm, or b) I genuinely think it’s a bad idea for you, based on what you’ve told me.”
“Ok,” Charlotte said. “Let’s implement those rules.”
I like these rules because they put me squarely in control. Not – as I said – that I would exercise that control malevolently – or even, to avoid unpleasant feelings on my end. But because a) it means I safely can rev her up, knowing that I can collect any orgasms I dam up, and b) I am exercising a modicum of control over that which causes me the most jealousy. All good. And, as I said, I only would deny Charlotte permission so that I could collect any orgasms coming to me, or because I think, genuinely, given what she’s told me about herself and the person in question, that she would regret it.
That’s where we are right now. I’m hopeful Charlotte will be back where I am soon enough, but in the meantime, I have to satisfy myself with watching, talking to, and listening to her. Which I do in droves, thanks to her generosity. And here, you may as well. 😉
Orgasm #1: Charlotte offered me five minutes. I asked her to spend two minutes taking pictures of her pretty body for me. To spend two minutes coming for me. And to spend one minute sending me all that. Which she did. You don’t get the pictures. But you do get the orgasm.
Orgasm #2: I asked Charlotte to edge for me for one minute. And then to come. Which she did.
Orgasms #3, 4, and 5: Charlotte had a date with aforementioned COVID guy the night before. I wanted some orgasms. [Incidentally: he, it seems, didn’t really make her come. Which I just. don’t. get.]
My backlog remains huge. Here’s hoping I get to post more from it in the coming days. Charlotte’s just so fucking fun to listen to (and to control, benevolently).