Jul 272016

I really don’t. 

I like it best when my needs are anticipated. And, failing  that, I really want to be confident that my requests will be granted. Asking, you see, is hard for me. That’s why it’s so important that I know that while you may not give me precisely what I want, you’ll do your damnedest.

Jul 262016

And neither do Democrats. 

I’ve been away from my normal routine for a week or so, and a disproportionate amount of my time has been spent watching and listening to and reading about Republicans. I’m reading Neil Gaiman’s The Ocean at the End of the Lane, a tremendously entertaining book that should take three or four hours to read, but that’s taking me days, because reasons. I hope to resume a somewhat more normal writing schedule in the coming days, but for now, I’m just a little off-schedule.

Jul 192016
“The internet must not become a safe haven for predators. Pornography, with its harmful effects, especially on children, has become a public health crisis that is destroying the lives of millions. We encourage states to continue to fight this public menace and pledge our commitment to children’s safety and well-being. We applaud the social networking sites that bar sex offenders from participation.” – the 2016 Republican Party Platform, adopted yesterday
Last night, as I watched the GOP convention, I delighted in curating some extra-hot porn for my Tumblrs. It just felt right. You can see here (for pictures) and here (for GIFs). I expect I’ll be doing much more of the same for the duration of the convention. And, just for fun, go here for my “funny porn,” which I’ve just stocked with some pictures of the presumptive Republican nominee getting fucked in the ass a lot of different ways.
How big is my cock, you ask?

How big is my cock, you ask?

Here’s hoping Hillary pegs him good.
Jul 142016

Once in a while an interaction of mine exposes my masochism for what it is – mostly vanquished, but still omnipresent.

It manifests most clearly in my desperate desire to extract from a woman what she doesn’t have to give.

L first, and then V, were revelations to me – revelations that I could get what I wanted in a primarily sexual relationship, that I need not be continually frustrated, denied, failed.

I triumphally identified, recently, that such a thing exists, that I can, indeed, have it (although, as I’ve often written, it’s much harder, and more complicated, to have than it is to get).

Once in a while, though, I march toward inevitable – and repeated – frustration and disappointment. I do so compulsively, desperately, insanely hoping that somehow, I will succeed. That I’ll transform someone who can’t give me what I want into someone who can, that I can escape the fact that I’m not capable of being satisfied by someone, that she’s not capable of satisfying me.

This is an infantile fantasy that I’m omnipotent, that a) if someone (almost, but not always, a woman) isn’t giving me what I want, it must be my fault, and that therefore b) I should be able, somehow, to extract from her that which I want – that if I just try hard enough, just say the right thing, do the right thing, magic will occur and what I want miraculously will be produced.

It’s no fun, at all – not for me, and not for my partner.

Jul 132016

trump_rallyI don’t often write about politics.

If you read me regularly, chances are, you’re not here to know what I think of Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump, and, generally speaking, I don’t tell you. Although occasionally I make exceptions to this policy.

Today, I learned the Republican party is about to approve a platform that derides porn as “a public menace” and a “public health crisis.”

I also learned the platform committee defeated efforts to mention homosexuality in any context that isn’t negative, that isn’t disapproving. This paragraph from the Times article on the platform chilled me (and not just because of the gratuitously split infinitive in the first sentence):

An amendment to specifically recognize that gay people are targets of the Islamic State caused a stir among more conservative delegates who said they felt there was no need to single out any one group. As the delegate who offered the amendment, Giovanni Cicione of Rhode Island, argued his case — by saying he believed it was an “innocuous and important” way to tell gay people the Republican Party does not exclude them — another delegate moved to shut off the debate.

Who do they think wants this? How many of the people on the platform committee’s browser histories include porn? How many of them have relatives they know to be gay?

I know it’s not news, really, that the GOP is desperately resisting the changes wrought by the 21st century. But it’s disheartening to see that they can’t find a more inclusive way of appealing to the people who genuinely feel threatened by modernity.

Jul 132016

There was my secretary.

I placed an ad. We got to know one another. She taught me about submission. Not actively, as a teacher might, but through the gift of infinite compliance.

Life for her was hard. She went to prison. For a while. And I haven’t seen or heard from her since. (She was ultimately released, got married, and seemingly disappeared.)

I don’t, really, want to be in touch with her. She activated dangerous feelings in me. I cared too much about her, wanted to help her, to protect her. In ways that weren’t good, that weren’t healthy

But, occasionally, her memory resurfaces, like a smell memory, activated by some amorphous atmospheric occurrence, powerfully, overwhelmingly.

wicked wednesday

Jul 102016

I was recently reviewing some videos on AmateurAllure – a web site I sometimes subscribe to, and sometimes don’t. What I like about it is the relentless, laser focus on cock-sucking. What I don’t like so much is the completely formulaic content, and the relative absence of tease. Or really, the complete absence of pretense that there’s any connection between the cock’s owner and the lovely woman who’s about to suck it, and ultimately, fuck it. If a woman’s going to suck my cock, she better want to suck it. On this web site, while they do seem to establish that the women on it like to suck cock (or want to be seen to like sucking cock), what they spend zero time doing is establishing that the women on it want to suck the cock that’s before them.

But enough about the web site. I’ve written about it before, so I won’t say much more than that, other than that, watching videos on it recently, I found myself thinking about the women who appear on it – and about how they affect me, and my cock – in two ways. First, with respect to their smiles; and second, with respect to their cock-sucking styles. This post is about smiles. Continue reading »

Jul 062016

TGTI asked her to describe me for you. This is what she wrote, unedited. (And, the picture she selected.)

Pleasant, polite, gentleman.. The things that put you at ease..

His voice is inviting, his words are thoughtfully chosen, his touch is deliberate…

The things that draw you in:

His eyes.. Those bright, true blue eyes.

They can hold a stare that undresses you.

If you can sustain your glance you may find the hunger, the desire, and the intent…

The reason you are there..

The reason your pussy aches for his demands.

My advice to the woman who is afraid to engage fully.

Just be a good girl.

I told her that I was a little mortified at how flattering it was, that I hadn’t been fishing for flattery. She assured me she didn’t mean it as flattering.

Phew. 😉

Jul 062016

We met in a lovely, slightly swanky, bar. She was dressed precisely as I’d requested, in the skirt and the black strappy tank I had specified. She was about ten minutes late, and quite apologetic.

We sipped our drinks and caught up. I asked her to open her thighs for me, and I placed a hand high up on one of them. Higher than, honestly, was appropriate for the setting. I gently pressed my fingers against her panties, trying to reach her cunt. Failing.

“Are you looking forward to kneeling for me?” I asked.

“I am,” she said. “Very much.”

“Good,” I said. “I’d like you to do it now.”

She looked at me quizzically. “What?”

“I want you to kneel for me now,” I repeated. Continue reading »

Jul 052016

peekabooChildren learn, over years, that objects don’t stop existing just because they have left the field of vision. Peek-a-boo is fun(ny), or terrifying -and stops being fun(ny), or terrifying – for precisely this reason. And this is why blindfolds are hot to some, and overwhelming to others.

Those of us who’ve suffered one or another childhood trauma often struggle with a more subtle challenge than the simple version informing peek-a-boo. “Out of sight, out of mind” describes this, in a way, but without capturing the pernicious elements of impaired object permanence in adults.

Fear of abandonment is, or can be, a symptom of impaired object permanence. It is for me.

Continue reading »