Sep 182016

There really is no more lovely sentence in the English language.


Sep 182016

At least one went off in NYC tonight. 

Fifteen years ago, planes were made into bombs, and shortly thereafter, schmucks purporting to speak for me and my family and my friends launched what seems to have turned into World War III in response, in a feat of monumental stupidity.

The US is strong, and is made weak by the impulse to treat every two-bit saboteur as a national threat. 

I will sleep well tonight. I hope you do, too.

Sep 152016

Assistant, really.

I have a lot of stuff I need done. Stuff related to the blog, mostly. Posts to format. A little research to be done. Orgasms to upload. You know, basic stuff.

I don’t offer compensation, other than in the opportunity to interact with me around this stuff.

And to come for me.

And to provide me with excellent additional material, either for wanking, posting, fucking, or some combination thereof.

To apply, click here.

Sep 152016

This came from Lexy. I’ll give you some responses of my own in the coming days, but I thought you might enjoy what she has to say.

The company that makes my favorite vibrator of the past year was outed last month by a couple of hackers.



Standard Innovation Corporation, maker of the we-vibe, has been collecting data on customer usage without disclosing that fact. According to various articles, SIC collects data when users change speed or mode, and collects cpu temperature data every minute.

SIC has generally confirmed this, with some explanation about the business purposes of the data. (Also noting that you are able to sign out and continue to use the app.) SIC’s language is vague enough that they could be collecting more data as well, and the company’s privacy statement is pretty general about “log files.”

I Love the We-Vibe

pussyI purchased the we-vibe almost exactly a year ago, and I loved it right away. Reviews indicate that a woman’s pleasure will really depend on how it fits her body; it works for mine in certain excellent ways.

I almost always use the we-vibe alone, as I don’t find it enjoyable to wear during sex and I never got into the habit of using the app in play with a remote partner. I can’t easily walk around with the we-vibe in me (it slips out), but it works wonderfully in a reclining or sitting position, in any mode, or even off.

I don’t even care about the app, which was supposed to be the main feature. There was a “wow” factor in the beginning about the ability to control internal and external vibration patterns and intensity separately via the app’s nice interface. (Note, use of the app requires a Bluetooth connection between your phone and vibrator.) Then I realized I really, really, really just like the way it fits inside me.

bedThe only trouble I’ve had with the we-vibe is related to the fact that it has an on-off- -intensity-setting-and-Bluetooth-activation button on the vibrator itself. I use this button most of the time and it broke a couple of months after purchase. I filed paperwork and the company sent a new vibrator. That replacement broke six months later, and I haven’t requested a new one yet. (Both times, I found myself in the embarrassing situation of a vibrator that just kept on vibrating until the batteries ran out, even when I was done. Neither the button nor the app would work to shut it off.)

Still, I like the contour of the we-wibe so much that I can (and often do) use it to pleasure myself even without being powered on. Which, of course, also means I’m foiling the data collectors at SIC!

Not Such A Big Deal

stomachFirst of all, I feel my (and other’s) personal exposure may be limited here. I am under the impression that data is only collected when the vibrator and app are connected via Bluetooth, something I rarely did even when my vibrator still worked. I doubt that SIC “has much on me” in the way of data, and I bet this applies to a lot of people who use the vibrator on their own. I mean, if you’re using your phone while masturbating, it could be for a lot of different purposes.

More importantly, there’s a big divide in the world these days about big data. I’ve sat on both sides. As a private person by nature, I value the ability to control how information about me is used. As someone responsible for decision making, I want information, the more the better. I get why SIC wants this data, and why people are peeved to have it collected without their knowledge. It’s an interesting modern dilemma.

In the instance of the we-vibe, most articles point to two concerns.

  • SIC (or anyone who could get access) could use the data to figure out when and for how long “you” masturbate.
  • The vibrator could be hacked, might be turned on and operated without a user’s consent.

I am largely, although not entirely, untroubled by both of these concerns.

I don’t think the company cares about “your” masturbation habits. SIC points out that they use the data in aggregate, and reason supports that this would be true.  Yes, something embarrassing could be revealed in a data breech, if all the circumstances aligned. It just doesn’t seem all that likely.

The more I think about it, the more I actually am interested in what aggregate data might reveal. Despite the initial “wow” of the app’s many features, I ended up almost exclusively using the basic “bzzzzz” setting to get myself off. Is this true of most people, with most vibrators? I’d always thought so, I think N and I talked about this. The data would tell more.

tongueFinally, yes: your neighbor (or anyone near enough) could hack into your vibrator. YOU could hack into your own vibrator, actually.

The hackers who broke news of the data collection and security risks have created a toolkit to make this possible. I had to read through their presentation summary a couple of times to be sure that their stated intent was for modification of one’s personal toys and raising awareness, not for breaking into other people’s stuff. Actually I think those guys are just curious to see how stuff works. No problem there.

A couple of articles, like this one, have mentioned sexual assault (apparently the hackers mentioned this as a risk in their talk). Another article claimed in its headline, “the dystopian future is here,” but then did not explain why. (I decided against ranting to y’all about that.) Use of teledildonics as aggression against another person is certainly not ok. At all. I haven’t heard anyone raise this possibility in a way that makes me think they are doing anything besides being lazy or alarmist.

I like to think about these kinds of issues, and I’m interested to hear from anyone who responds to either concern differently or who wants to share other ideas.

In the end, I don’t expect my behavior will change as a result of this new information, except for one thing that I’ve already done: confirming that I’m logged out from the app, and that if I do log in, I don’t use my real name. Anyone else reading who uses this technology might want to take this basic step.

Sep 142016

I sat in a coffee shop, reading a sexy, fun, funny e-mail from a friend who recently was at Burning Man.

I finished the e-mail, folded up my laptop, and stood up to leave. My cock was prominently evident, hard, as I rose. I hadn’t really noticed that about it, until I rose, and felt it straining against my jeans. I quickly adjusted myself, and noticed, directly across from me, an attractive young woman, calmly sipping her coffee, with a big smile on her face.

Ten years ago? I’d have blushed in shame. Ten years from now? Perhaps I’d walk up to her and introduce myself.

Today? I smiled a knowing grin back, turned, and left.


Sep 132016

Yma Sumac’s 94th birthdayGoogle is, far and away, the greatest source of traffic to this blog. Once upon a time, I could tell what searches led folks here, but a couple of years ago, Google stopped providing that data, for the most part. Too bad. That shit made me laugh.

Now, I’m left mostly to guess what people seek when finding me. Best I can tell, the vast majority of folks who find me googled “I want to lick your pussy.” And the rest? They googled “Hasidic porn.” And, apparently, paged down several pages to find me.

This suggests a collective failure on the part of Google and me. Surely, those searchers don’t like what they find here. And the ones actually looking for this blog? They Google something else.

I’m failing to connect with my actual audience via Google. (Microsoft apparently operates a search engine called “Bing.” And there’s something called “Yahoo.” Where Google is my #1 referrer, Yahoo is #11, and Bing is #16. After the Chinese search engine Baidu. Bing has literally 1% of the referrals to my blog of Google. I sort of delight in watching Microsoft fail.)

So what searches should lead people here? I target a reader who is female, sexually curious, submissive or exploring, smart, questioning, and not already deep in the world of the kinky and poly. What does she Google when she’s looking for what she could happily find here?

I have another target reader, too – with some overlap with that first group. I also target women and men thinking about compulsive sexual behavior, sex addiction, acting out, and the relationship between feelings/emotions and behavior, particularly of the sexual sort. What are these people looking for?

If I wanted to make money from this blog, if I sold ads and tried to maximize traffic in a remotely strategic way, I’d do all sorts of SEO shit, and pay someone to figure out the answers to these questions. That person would go through and set up meta tags for all my posts, and do all sorts of shit I can’t be bothered to do. S/he would add photos to posts, change the theme and the layout, and generally make things easier.

But I don’t have time for that. I thought I’d do something simpler, something crude. I thought I’d just make some lists of Google searches that I think should lead here, in hopes that merely publishing that list will actually cause the Googles to lead here.

Surely I’m wrong.

But lists are fun:

Continue reading »

Sep 132016

A while ago, I wrote that watching Craig Ferguson interview people – women in particular, but people in general – is a lot like the porn I might like to see.

There’s a show that was (is?) on Playboy TV called “Foursome.” The premise was, two hot women and two hot guys who’ve never met are brought to a beautiful house in LA, given all sorts of sexy weekend plans, and whatever happens, happens. Sometimes, there’s lots of sex. Sometimes not so much. Generally, at least three of the four get it on. In, you know, the most acceptable of ways. The guys never fuck one another. There often are FFM threesomes. Sometimes, a guy’s left out in the cold. The happenings are lubricated with generally ridiculous plans – trips to sex toy stores, massages by nude women, sushi served on nude women, etc. It’s very heterocentric, very male-oriented. It is, after all, Playboy TV. And, add to that, it’s very least-common-denominator. The participants are always, say, 22-27. They’re very conventionally hot. All could be porn stars if they’re not already. And conversation never concerns anything other than what’s happening on the show. No talk about family, or politics, or intellectual life.

All those limitations aside, for a while, I really loved watching the progression in each episode from stranger to bedmate. I have something like an infinite appetite for that. Maybe because, for me, seduction was so baffling for so long. Or maybe not. Anyway, I like that porn. I’d prefer it if the cast were in their 30s or 40s or 50s, and if the “lubrication” were less artificial. Scrabble would be o.k. But there honestly wouldn’t need to be “sexy sushi.”

Or, what about a sort of “Dating Game” or “Love Connection,” but where sex is explicitly on the table? Not that it’s expected, or even likely. Just possible. I’d like to watch that.

Or, what about, say, a talk show, hosted by a smart porn star (I can’t think of any smart men in porn – at least, there are none that I know of). Stoya, maybe. Sasha Grey. And she has conversation – flirty conversation – with a smart guest. And she – and he – decide if they want to have sex. We watch the evening progress. Maybe it’s not a desk/couch format talk show, but a “let’s cook dinner together in my apartment” type talk show. That would be fun to watch. In order for the show to work, sex would have to happen occasionally. But it would almost be better if it were like, one out of ten times.

That is porn I would watch.

Here is some other porn I would watch:

PTA porn: real flirting at real PTA meetings, followed by real fucking. (Ok, it’d be hard to be really real. But it would be awesome.)

Real-life pick-ups: women or men conduct real life pick-ups in real-life bars. Disclosing, along the way, that they’re filming.

Pizza delivery or plumber porn: send a hot, and willing, delivery girl or boy or plumber on enough jobs that s/he eventually actually gets laid.

You can see, the common denominator in the porn I’d like to see is real chance, the real overcoming of the obstacle of willingness. That is what is most hot to me.

Sep 112016


I am in one last moment of privacy for the day, dripping from the shower, and unfortunately I will have to wait to read your long email, and I will just have to deal with the suspense.

Dripping, you say….?

From N …

How lovely! (May I see?)

You’ll have to use your imagination a bit [includes photo of self in denim shorts and t-shirt, midriff just bare]

I’m not sure you can handle my imagination.

Really?! I’d like to try.

I’ll bet you would.

But here’s the thing: it involves, at a minimum, some equipment that may not actually be physically possible. I’m thinking a sort of chrome captain’s wheel to which you would be affixed, nude, spread-eagle. And that would rotate and adjust in all dimensions, so, for example, I could raise you so you, upside down, might receive my cock in your mouth. Or, tilt you forward so I could fuck you from behind. Or flip you over, and fuck you from in front. Or spin you, and fuck your face.

Also? It should have a vibrating center piece, likely not affixed to the rims in any visible way, that stimulates your ass and clit and cunt as I wish.

Plus, scotch.

That’s for starters.

My imagination is working overtime on handling your imagination. It’s a big job … even just this one Vitruvian-woman-esque scenario presents a lot of separate new (slightly bewildering) experiences for me to consider. This has kept my pussy aching.

The captain’s wheel, or how to give up that much control. My brain seems intent on taking the idea seriously, despite the physical limits to building this device.

Also, scotch is good.


Sep 102016

Her hair is red. She’s taller than usual for me (5’8″).

These photos aren’t her, but they’re reminiscent of her.

And oh, my – listen to her orgasm. Delicious. Isn’t it? Isn’t she?

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