I was having a discussion with Charlotte, about sexual fantasy, consensual non-consent, shame, and the like, and I said something I’ve heard myself say a dozen times before, but I thought, “I should write that down!”
I wrote (and I’m paraphrasing, because I actually wrote it in the annoying boy-voice-y second person, in a generalizing way, when, what I meant was, this has been what I’ve learned, about myself – and yes, I do believe it has general applicability, ,with some very good reason, but – that’s really not my point.):
Over the last 30+ years, in a lot of therapy and analysis, I’ve noticed the patterns in my feelings, and stuff has started to resolve, and become clear, in my head. I’ve come to realize that 99% of the feelings I have today are, really, ancient feelings just attaching themselves to contemporary events. Like, literally, 99%.
That might, actually, be low.
It’s just never what’s happening now that causes the feeling. What’s happening now is a hook I’m hanging a feeling on.