I’m not gay, but I identify with this answer to the question, “what are you” – I’m not a top, not a bottom, but a side – I prefer outercourse. I’ve written a fair amount over the years about my relationship to fucking, and I’ve been writing a bit more about it lately. Recently, at dinner with a (gay) friend, he told me that he’s a “side.” I hadn’t heard that one before, but I instantly knew what it meant.
I did a little Googling (actually, Perplexity-ing, as I’m increasingly wont to do following a) the near-complete, terminal enshittification of Google and, b) the arrival of the really cool thing that is Perplexity). I found this Guardian article, as well as much more.
I’m not sure I’m really on board with the reification of this set of preferences in this way, as I aspire – loosely, gently, as I recently have written – to become (more of) a fucker. But. In the meantime, the term works for me.