Sex and aggression

I’ve written before that fucking isn’t my primary sexual activity, that I’ll take oral any day.

I’ve also written that one of the challenges with me for fucking is the intrinsically aggressive nature of it, that my domination is, by its nature, sensual, not aggressive, not punitive, not violent. Even when I’ve been most violent, as when raining down blows on V’s ass, I haven’t felt anger, rage. The violence I’ve done has been in service of others, not expressive of an internally felt aggression. (Though, in that one instance, I did write that I was trying to hurt her, that this was an unfamiliar feeling for me.)

This is too bad, I think, for me and for those I’ve fucked.

Almost every woman I’ve ever known has really enjoyed being fucked hard. Hard, in a way that really only can be summoned when one has access to a certain internal aggressiveness, even hostility. And this has never been something that has come easily to me. I can analyze this: it may well be that the anger/hostility/aggression is there, in me, but that it scares me, that I use the construct of consensual dominance to protect me – and my partner – from the possibility that I will destroy her if I give my rage full expression, or that she may destroy me. It may be, alternatively, that I genuinely don’t feel that aggression, that my more sensual formal of domination is, in fact, more honestly expressive of my desires, of my feelings.

It may be both. It may be something else.

But lately, there’s been an awakening sense of violence in me. A burgeoning sense that I want to… harm someone, destroy someone, when I fuck her.

I think this can only be a good thing.


  1. I think both approaches are fine… sometimes, a good hard fuck is what I crave, but sometimes, I care more for gentleness… but frankly, when you say you’ve got a burgeoning sense that you want to destroy someone when you fuck her… reading that is a bit scary to me (good thing I’m so far away!). I guess as long as it makes you feel good/better in yourself, and you only write it… it’s fine!

      1. Depends how bad you’d really want to destroy me I guess… I have a feeling right now it wouldn’t take much for me to be destroyed, so I guess I’d pass for now : self preservation 😉

    1. Read the comments? There are a lot of women (most of those with whom I’ve ever had sex, I’d wager) for whom this resonates. I’ve probably heard from ten or fifteen MORE women, not in the comments, the same thing. And personally, I think repression always good to conquer. And I think sex is a great way to conquer it.

  2. Tried to email this to a love, who I call Rough Boy, but the link wouldn’t work. At any rate, I do agree, I like it rough, which surprises me. I think you may be on to something.

  3. I can feel with you on this one. It is scary, yet usually appreciated. Just let us be careful with the unleashing of this inner destruction-feel. There are fine lines which shouldn’t be crossed..

  4. And it’s something I adore, that craving. And love to administer (?) to.. But, I assume you mean destruction within certain parameters (health, sanity, security).

    1. Well, destruction within certain parameters, I would love too! I guess the physical “destruction” during a good hard fuck is fine, or actually more than fine. The problem when I read someone wants to harm me, destroy me is that I also read the emotional aspect of it… and that’s just not fine :-/

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