I have something I need to write. So, of course, here I am, writing what I want to write.

That’s not quite right: it may just be that I need to write a few things here before I can make myself write what I need to write. In which case, this is what I need to write. But, as I do from time to time, here are some things I want to write here to make space in my mind to write what I need to write:

  1. A section on contracts. Contracts I have had with lovely women. Contracts I’d like to have with lovely women. Contracts governing compliance, respect, communication. Safety, caretaking. Etc.
  2. An account of how Ashley recently sucked my cock at great length. And will again, very soon.
  3. An account of how I tied Ashley up and licked her clit at great length. And will again, very soon.
  4. An account of how Charlotte and I are stuck in a bit of a seemingly inescapable rut (simply: we aren’t communicating, but we both want to be), out of which I plan to escape in the early days of 2023.
  5. Some more thoughts on the shamanic sex cult about which I just started to write in this post.
  6. Some revised fantasies/objectives/goals/strategies/tactics for me and my occasional partner-in-crime and good friend, A.
  7. A series of posts about Julie, now that she’s returning to my clime.
  8. A whole host of topics I want to explore in writing:
    • the phenomenon of “blocking” people (something I’ve never done)
    • the challenges of dating as a poly/monogamish 50-something dominant guy now that every dating app sucks, and the only one that works remotely well is… Seeking
    • wooing women on Seeking, when the vast majority (but not all) are seeking something other than what I’m offering (and when I’m seeking something other than what the vast majority, but not all, are offering)
    • letters I want to write to all sorts of people I’ve encountered in the world, including sex workers, deli managers, strangers on the train, and so on
    • the phenomena of mis/attunement
    • Hera, some months after her disappearance
    • my relationship to money and privilege
    • talking during sex
    • PimEyes (hint: it’s creepy)
    • therapy vs. prostitution (I have a friend – a therapist – who thinks of herself as a “listening hooker”)
    • Tony Soprano
    • HOPE!
    • My obituary – both my real-life obituary and my “N” obituary. I think each would be an excellent exercise. One, I could even post here.
    • The phenomenon of “findom”
    • My deprived relationship to art, my sense of emotional poverty resulting from having fundamentally concrete parents
    • Marina
    • How I use women as balm for the wound of my mother’s abandonment of me (not in the ways I’ve explored this previously – more granular-ly, and with specific examples – my friend, and Sofia, in particular)
    • Deconstruction of Seeking pages
    • A revisitation of the women who’ve helped me learn what I want. The Historian. The Secretary. V. Some unnamed women. And a host of women I’ve named.
    • Donald Trump: an exploration of the inside of his mind.
    • A series of Venn diagrams
    • Imagining me in various sex work roles: masseur; escort; pimp; escort service manager; for men? for women?
    • mindfulness: all the thoughts/feelings during various experiences
    • rework the whole web site so its front page is a “splash” page, as Effie briefly promised to help implement. [Footnote: Effie and I seem to have conspired to allow one another to drift away. This probably is best. But. It’s sad. Though I’ll note: we didn’t ghost one another; we just faded.]
    • “Flaccidity and tumescence: who wants what”: some women want to make me hard; others want me to be hard for them
    • prompts:
      • Treats
      • Teen nights
      • Independence
      • Body changes in adolescence
      • Naughty things
    • Different forms of submission – Charlotte, Julie, Kait, Marina, V, Sofia, – and FetLife “submission”
    • A whole host of fantasies I’ve been meaning to write about/explore/jerk off to (choose-your-own adventures for Julie; recruiting assignments for Ashley; me as a porn director; a whole host of jobs/roles)

So you see. I have a lot of writing to do.

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