Why do you submit to me?

Kayla Lords, on her excellent blog, “Loving BDSM,” has written about what she calls the “9 different types of submission.” Her list (sic to her parallel structure as it relates to part of speech and number): service submission, sexual submission, forced submission, smart-assed masochist, littles, slaves, furries, pro submissive, and internet submission. I like this taxonomy, and think it useful in understanding some ways people submit.

Kayla’s describing other people. I thought I might – as I often do on this blog – explore not so much how people submit as how I feel in the fact of different structures and expressions of submission. To think about what works for me, what I crave, rather than what other people do, what other people want, what works for other people.

What I crave, more than anything, is compliance. Not just compliance, though: doing as I ask isn’t enough. I want you to want to do as I ask, to get off on doing as I ask. I want you to receive free-standing pleasure from giving me what I want. If you locate your pleasure within mine, my cock will never waver.

Many smart folks have written about how we use sex, and sexual fantasy, as a venue to protect us from that which we most fear. This resonates for me, powerfully. My craving – for compliance, and for delight in compliance – protects me from my twin fears of aggression – of wanting, taking, too much – and of abandonment and loss.

If you just delight in giving me what I ask, then I need not fear asking you for anything. If you derive free-standing pleasure from my pleasure, I don’t have to worry that I’ll harm you, or that I’ll lose you, my two greatest fears. I’m safe. And I’m hard.

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