Rules for distant buddies – and local subs

A lovely young lady just introduced herself to me, and we’ve been going through the usual introductions. As we were interacting, I found it helpful to think through, and write, the following. I sent it to her, but I thought it actually belongs up here. She kindly consented to my posting it here, and so, here it is:


Here’s what I’d like to propose, and I’m going to lead with a caution that I hope you won’t be offended by. The caution is this: in the past, I’ve had a couple of interactions with people like you – people who came to me seeking something they imagined I’d be able to give them, people who’d formed a pretty comprehensive view of me, of what I might have to offer, in their minds, and invariably, it’s been challenging. The caution is basically this: let me drive. Let me tell you what I want. Give it to me. Don’t give me more. Don’t over-share, over-write, over-ask. (I’m not saying you have done this – I’m saying it’s a danger worthy of note at this early stage.) If you give me what I ask, you’ll make me happy. And, I suspect, over time, I’ll make you happy.

Will you do this for me?

Toward that end, here are a few ground rules, and a few (more) requests:

1) Any picture, movie, sound file, words that you send me need to be for me and for me alone. I don’t want pictures you’ve taken for others, and I don’t want others to see the pictures you’ve taken for me. This isn’t jealousy, exactly. Rather, it’s a desire for uniqueness. I don’t care (at this point) if you share pictures with a thousand other people. But I want to know that what I’m seeing is unique, for me alone. You have the same guarantee from me. What I ask you for will be asked with you in mind, not generically. Should there come a point where I share things with you, they’ll be shared with you alone. And so on.

2. I never want to see nudity unless I specifically request it.

3. Clothes are sexier to me than nudity. I like partial nudity. And I may, sometimes, request full nudity. But please don’t volunteer it.

4. In any photo in which your legs appear, they should be apart. Or followed by a photo in which they’re apart. So you’re welcome to send me a photo of your legs crossed, if it’s accompanied by one in which, in the same outfit, they’re spread. Generally, they should be spread further than is comfortable in whatever context you’re in. At work? On the street? It should always strain your comfort zone to spread them for me.

5. Unless specifically told otherwise, it will always be good for a hand to be on a breast, or on your pussy, in any photo or video you send me.

6. Please don’t, generally, write me long e-mails. This is the longest e-mail I expect you’ll get from me for a while. I want to manage our relationship in short e-mail bursts. If our relationship requires more than a sentence or two back and forth to manage, it’s going to grow fatiguing for both of us, I expect. This isn’t to say I don’t want to learn who you are, more about you. It’s to say that long e-mails aren’t the best way to accomplish that with me.

7. From here on out, if I ask you to record your voice for me, your fingers should be stroking your clit, your pussy, sliding in and out of you, doing whatever it is that makes you feel good, while you are recording, if at all possible. You should begin any recording of your voice for me by telling me whether you’re touching yourself, and if not, why not, and if so, how. And you should consistently keep yourself as close to coming as humanly possible without coming. You know, unless I ask you to come for me.

I have the sense you will take to all of this intuitively, and, I have to say, although as I type this it reads a bit like a sort of template I send to thousands of women, it’s not. I’ve written it right now, for you alone. I promise.

If you’re in agreement with this, if you’d like to proceed, please do the following:

1) Write a little note that says, “Yes, N, I understand.” And photograph it and send it to me.

2) Show me what you’re wearing today – every item of your clothing. There should always be more clothes than flesh in any picture you send me, unless that’s incoherent, given what you’re sending. But when I want to see your panties, I usually want to see enough of them to get a feel for them. Not the whole shebang. Ditto your bra.

3) Tell me when your last orgasm was, and how it came about. In two sentences or less.

4) Tell me when, all things equal, you expect your next orgasm to be, and how you expect it to come about.


If you’re overwhelmed by this – which I understand – feel free (of course, and always) to tell me to go fuck myself. But this is what I’d like.


  1. Yes, it’s probably best to discuss these things early on, I’d even say regardless of who initiates the encounter.
    It probably prevents frustrations on both sides…
    So, did you get what you wanted?

  2. I got quite turned on reading that… Not something I’ve done before, but certainly piqued my imagination

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