Random thoughts [drafts from the archive]

I think this post is from five or six years ago. Lucky you, I just unearthed it….

  1. I crave new-ness, new relationship energy, whatever you might call it. I always imagined this had something to do with you, that what I crave is the journey of discovery, of learning what turns you on, what your mouth feels like, what your cunt tastes like. And it does have something to do with those things. But… I wonder if the excitement I feel in new interactions isn’t more about your discovery of me, if my narcissism isn’t at work. Because the thrill I get as we move from strangers to a relationship in which I have ascertained that you really want to give me what I want, that doing so makes you wet – that is at least as exciting as the thrill of my cock sliding past your lips for the first time, of my tongue finding yours, of my tasting your pussy.
  2. My usually shaven head was not shaven so close shortly during some recent time in the sun. As a result, I have an amusing tan line.
  3. I haven’t written a lot lately. This isn’t good. 

4. Lexy has been doing some astonishingly hot, astonishingly fun things for me. 

5. Sofia and I are intermittently in touch. I miss her. 

6. Isabel and I haven’t fucked in way too long. We chat friendship-ly, but we need to fuck. She’s generally my first call when I have a call, but, in spite of that, it’s been quite a while. And, I just learned that, following a rare instance in which she wasn’t my first call, I may have missed my chance with her for a while. 🙁 I feel triply bad – for missing the opportunity to have rollicking good fun with her, for the fact that it may be a while, and worst, for the fact that she wasn’t my first call, as she almost always has been for over a year. That, I fear, hurt her. Even if it reflects nothing other than the way messaging can become intense, and urgent. And not an expression of a conscious or even unconscious preference. There’s a story there, one I’ll tell one day, perhaps, but in the mean time, I just feel shitty. Particularly after Isabel has been such a freakishly good sport in recent months.

7. The good teacher appears and disappears, promises much and vanishes.

8. Tamora is a flake. She drives me crazy, mainly because I really fucking like her mouth on my cock. 

9. Tinder has served up two interesting new women of late. I hope to be in a position to share more soon.

10. Cricket briefly reappeared, then disappeared.

11. A hidden (?) aspect/benefit of newness is that obligation is absent in seduction. A good seduction is all about what I want, what I have to offer. In a relationship, or even in a second date, other factors start to enter the picture. Which isn’t bad, but it’s different.

12. My hunger for instant gratification knows no bounds. And conversely, my tolerance for gratification delayed, or worse, denied, is infinitesimal.

13. Allie continues to entertain me from a distance, but she’s grown moody. She demands, she withdraws, she pouts. Not in any way unreasonably, to be clear, but it affects us. Sometimes I’m a bad correspondent, disappearing for a day or so, being unavailable. I generally am respectful when this happens, announcing it, explaining it. But Allie wants that not to happen. Which means I’m disappointing her. Which I hate doing. And, ends up being deeply un-hot. All that said? Currently, she and I are in the middle of a very fun, and potentially very hot, endeavor. 

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