I love this question. I have a distant buddy who can only cum by running the bathtub faucet over her pussy. She’s desperate to be able to cum other ways – by hand, when fucking, etc. I’ve tried to persuade her to allow me to own her orgasms for a month. I’m confident that if she would, I could deliver her to her promised land. Her problem seems similar to yours.
I have two basic answers to this question – a generic one, and a kinky one.
The generic one is this: you just need to break your addiction. Plain and simple. STOP masturbating with a vibrator. Sure, you’ll have some period of time when you’re dying to cum, dying to take out your trusty old friend. But you need to use that desperation in service of your elusive manual orgasm. I promise: if you go a month without an orgasm by the vibrator, you’ll be able to have one by hand.
By fucking? That may be harder. Many women never cum from fucking alone, and I’ve known many who thought it was in some way “cheating” to touch themselves while fucking. If this is part of your question, my advice on this part is, get over it. If you need to touch your clit to cum while being fucked, for Christ’s sake, touch your clit. Why else did God give you fingers?
My kinky answer is better, and more fun: submit. Find someone who wants to help you through this by taking responsibility for your orgasms, and submit to her or him. If it were me, here’s what I’d have you do:
Week 1: Throw your vibrator out. Block out fifteen minutes every morning, and fifteen minutes every evening, for masturbation and correspondence with me. For the first week, though, you’re to do it in your panties, and your fingers are never once to slip inside those panties. For the first ten minutes? Touch yourself – your thighs, your belly, your breasts, your mouth, your panties themselves. Press, pulse, vibrate, pinch, squeeze, slap, touch yourself in all the ways that feel best, but no flesh-on-pussy-or-ass contact. After ten minutes of this, spend five minutes telling me what worked, what didn’t. What felt best, what felt worst. And what images you found most arousing as you did it, whether those are mental images, erotica, or porn. You may do this in writing, or on video, or by recording your voice. Incidentally, if at any time, you find yourself close to cumming? Please don’t.
Week 2: Same as week 1, only with your panties off. Still, don’t touch your pussy itself (or your ass). Not the lips, not the clit. But you can get a lot closer now that your panties are off. Again, if you come close to orgasm? Pull back. Not permitted.
Week 3: Get busy. Touch your clit, your lips, finger yourself, spank yourself, whatever feels right. Again, spend ten minutes doing this, and then five reporting back. Still – no orgasms permitted.
Week 4: I defy you not to cum this week.
Liza read my response, and here’s what she had to say:
This whole approach is something that never, ever occurred to me! I definitely like the suggestion for a very hands-on sort of approach, despite the tongue-in-cheek manner with with it was delivered. I might consider loaning D out for similar housecalls. I still think that whichever route our reader takes (yours, mine, another), patience is going to win the day–I would just really, really hope that she doesn’t have to go a month without an orgasm to get there!
Liza had her own great answer, too. Here’s a tease:
First, I’m going to say that I think all orgasms are great, no matter how they are achieved–manually, alone, partnered, in an orgy, with water, by a vibrator, clitorally, vaginally, anally, from nipple stim, whatever. Orgasms. Fucking. Rock. So, before you get too worked up about only being able to come with a vibe (for now), love the orgasms you have.
For God’s sake, go to her blog and read more.