Desire

I’m revisiting the theme of impotent power — the erotic charge I get not from my own sexual participation but from orchestrating fantasies for others. I’m fleshing out what it would mean to stage a gangbang for Margot, and discovering that what makes it hot for me is not humiliation but centrality, protection, and gratitude.

I’ve been feeling a pervasive sense of deadness, exacerbated by aging, the prospect of bilateral knee replacement, and a diminished sexual life. But recent interactions with Margot, Jade, and an unexpected email from P have reawakened something in me.

Anything I buy for you belongs to me as long as we know each other. I can see you in what I get you when I want, and I’d prefer you not wear them with other men while we’re involved.

A job description for a submissive assistant role, outlining responsibilities, qualifications, compensation. and the application process.

I’m exploring a layered erotic fantasy involving Margot — a woman I know who escorts — structured in three tiers: a private tryst with her directly, a scenario where she procures a companion who meets my specific preferences, and a third fantasy combining both where she participates alongside that companion.

I reflect on a conversation with Margot about her unrealized fantasy of double penetration and a gangbang, realizing what excites me isn’t the act itself but the trust she’d place in me to keep her safe while curating such an evening — and the gratitude that might follow.

Rethinking an old concept

I grapple with pervasive sadness about aging, beauty, and desire.

Intrusive thoughts on a massage table.

I look better than I ever have. And no one (relatively speaking) wants to suck my cock!