Topping from the bottom, bottoming from the top

Every dominant secretly has a submissive side. Every submissive, often not so secretly, has a dominant side. Scratch a dom, you’ll find a sub. Scratch a sub, you’ll find a dom.

The most submissive women I’ve had the pleasure of being with all have dominated me variously throughout our relationships. Consciously, I resent their domination. Resist it. Fight it. Rail against it. Bemoan it. Inevitably, this creates tension.

Unconsciously, evidence suggests I crave this dynamic.

The submissives to whom I’m attracted, the submissives who find themselves attracted to me, tend to want to control the terms of a relationship. Not as I would have it initially in the negotiation of terms, but generally throughout. Changing the terms. Defining the terms aspirationally. And then learning, or worse, not learning, but simply acting out, that the terms they’ve negotiated were more restrictive, more submissive, than the ones they truly craved.

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