Seducing Polina

I’m not a manipulator. I lack guile. I lack strategy. For better or for worse, what you see is what you get with me. Polina wondered about that for a moment, imagining I was deploying some deep, four-dimensional-chess kind of shit on her. Or some PUA shit. [My patter did include something like a “neg,” I suppose, in my positing her lack of interest in me. Though there was zero strategy in that. I was just talking, saying what seemed true in the moment.]

Where we are is working through the dynamics of her and my respective needs for safety. I have the sense that she’s sufficiently intrigued that, if I can navigate those complex shoals, she’ll be mine. Or I’ll be hers. Or we’ll have a romp. Or something…. But we’re threading a thin needle here.

I learned two things about Polina in this same conversation:

  1. Prior to a heartbreak, she was confident; subsequent to the heartbreak? much less so, much less consistently so.
  2. Polina generally favors “dominance” in relationships. She likes to decide where dates happen, where friends drink. She likes to order for herself, and to decide for others. This has a relationship to her longing to feel “respected,” the danger she feels in the possibility of not feeling respected. (N.B. she allowed me to order for her on our recent date. I sensed some need in her to do at least a little of the ordering, and I allowed that.)

We talked about confidence, about makeup, about the relationship between confidence, makeup, and sex appeal. Punchline: confidence is sexy; to the extent makeup makes a woman confident, it’s sexy; to the extent it’s deployed to mask underlying insecurity, it’s not.

I am, in this space, quite confident. Polina and I have a problem to solve. And the only thing I’m better at than creating problems is… (you guessed it) solving problems.

How can Polina feel confident, secure, respected, while giving me what I need? (Reminder: what I need is not submission. It’s, actually, not so far from the “respect” Polina craves.) In my instance, I need to know that there’s zero danger I will want too much, that my desire will cause a woman to leave me. I’ve written several times about how this does not mean I need a woman to give me everything I want; rather, it means she has to be committed to a certain relationship to my desires, a certain way of communicating to me. She has to internalize the desire to see me have my desires fulfilled, to want me to get what I want, to the extent possible. And, to want me to get something even better when I can’t. This can happen in a context of submission, for sure. But it need not. The truth is, this is how I feel in relationships, just as much as it’s what I expect of the women with whom I have relationships.

I like some of the trappings of D/s relationships, of daddy/lg relationships, but, at the end of the day, the only thing that really matters, the only thing I really need to feel safe? It’s something I (strive to) give every woman, ever: polite, respectful communication, whenever the fuck it’s possible.

I have a hunch that Polina’s and my Venn diagrams have a bit of overlap, and we will make it work. But I have some work to do….

Not Polina

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