When I reflect on my past relationships, I recall the exhilarating thrill of discovery. The process of getting to know a new person, understanding her body, her personality, her mind, her wardrobe, her habits, and her style was always exciting. However, due to my own idiosyncrasies, this phase of discovery eventually gives way to something more painful and less pleasant – a process I would describe as de-idealization.
In the beginning, I tend to fantasize that a woman is perfect, and I am merely uncovering the myriad ways in which she embodies this perfection. However, at a certain point, the inevitable happens. As a human, she will disappoint me. She may fail me in some way, behave in a manner I find undesirable, or simply not be available when I need her.
It’s important to note that this is a reflection of my own expectations and not a commentary on her. Nevertheless, it is true that there comes a point where my investment in idealizing her is overtaken by my disappointment in her failure to be, in reality, the perfect person I had allowed myself to imagine her to be.