I want to be likable, desirable, interesting, accomplished, curious, vulnerable, open, scared.

I want to be good.

I want to be harmless. I want to be safe.

I want to be better than others, better than other men.*

I want to be special, different, unique.

I want to be valuable, kind, compassionate, smart.

I want to be attractive.

I want to be acceptable.

I desperately long for all of that.

I am most of these things (the good ones, I hope – the ones without an asterisk). I feel that I am most of these things. I know that I am some of these things. Most of the time.

Sometimes, though, toxic doubt creeps in.

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