Vulnerability

A candid message to Sydney, distinguishing between my general desire for cunnilingus and my specific desire for her, while framing it carefully to avoid unwelcome intrusion.

I’ve dated several beautiful, intelligent women recently but can’t muster a physical response. With Tina, whose voice is catnip, the problem is she’s not submissive — when I asked her to wear something green and she deflected, every alarm bell went off, and now, shamefully, I want to run.

I’m reflecting on how shame has shaped my life and my blog since 2010 — from the radical openness I once had in writing about my most uncomfortable impulses, to the self-judgment and contempt that have crept back in now that I’m less anonymous and less self-accepting.

I promise to be different. I promise to be unique. I promise not to repeat things other people say.

Sometimes, I hold back when I write. Or, I don’t write, out of holding back.

I want to go down on Ivy. Seriously.

I am a dominant male sex blogger. I am polite, respectful, and demanding. Get to know me.

I find myself needing something I’m not accustomed to needing.

My fellow humans disappoint me. Unspeakable violence reverberates. The world is made badly.