Polina is leaving

And as she does, I’m running through my thoughts:

1. I’m not accustomed to having multiple dates with a woman whose boundaries stop in a place that doesn’t allow me to place her mouth on my cock, to tie her up and make her beg me to stop making her feel so fucking good. Or even, really, to tell her I want that. All. (I do.)

2. Multiple times, Polina told me, “I can’t do that. I’m decent.” She said this when I asked her to come for me in a restaurant. When I asked her to play with herself in a cab. Not, I should say, when I asked her (she offered) to remove her panties, and to give them to me. Or, when she suggested she leave them on just a little longer, so she could be wetter. Or, when she opened her thighs for me in the cab. So her “decency” is, it seems, quite specific.

3. We deconstructed her decency a bit. “I think,” I said, “that what you mean is ‘modesty,’ that you’re concerned about what it is you’re seen to do rather than what it is you do….” And at least initially, this seemed correct. As we talked, though, I came to understand that Polina hears her parents’ voices pretty loud in her ears, and pretty often. Her dad? His voice is critical, cautious, anxious, slightly disapproving – in a protective, caring, if somewhat overbearing way.

Her mother’s voice I somehow know both more and less about. What I know is limited. It involves that word, “decency.”

Though we discussed her dad and her relationship with him at some length, we only touched on her mom very briefly.

Long enough, though, to establish that Polina fears being on the wrong side of her mom’s “decency” line.

Now. I’m writing these words as I smell the crotch of “decent” Polina’s panties.

4. Polina is doing some combination of humoring me, stringing me along, resisting my copious charms, and being seduced me by me in (fatally) slow motion. Mostly, I think, humoring me. Which is too bad. For both of us.

5. In another post – one calculated to protect Polina from a bit of her squeamish “decency” – I’ll elaborate just what it is she’s avoiding with me. (It’s. Fucking. Hot.)

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