Are you manipulating me?

Polina asked me this the other day.

We were discussing domination and submission; safety and danger. I was explaining how I use dominance to create a zone of safety for myself.

“Are you always confident?” she asked.

She hasn’t read all that much of this blog. Obvs.

“I like to create circumstances in which I’m confident,” I replied. I explained. As I’ve done dozens of times here. How I fear abandonment. How I recreate abandonment left, right, and sideways. How I strive to protect myself from it even as I manifest it everywhere.

“I think you’re fucking hot. I think you and I could have a ton of fun, sexually. But I don’t think you’re especially interested. I think I’m too… much… for you….”

After I spoke that sentence, Polina said the title of this post: “Are you manipulating me?”

“Um,” I stammered. Or hesitated. Or paused. “Um… no.”

I’m guilty of many sins. Most recently, with Ashley, with the sin of inconsiderateness. With Charlotte, many times, with that sin, and a dozen others. With Marina, dozens more. With women with whom I had even longer relationships? I would guess my sins multiply exponentially.

But no, I said, I’m not “manipulating” you.

In retrospect, I wish I’d had the presence of mind to think of the word “seducing.” It feels a much more apt description of my endeavor. I don’t know if I’m succeeding. But “seduction” is the aim. Not “manipulation.”

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