Pay attention to me

Luna said this to me explicitly.

Others have said it more implicitly.

The type of woman with whom I interact most effortlessly, most rewardingly – and mutually so – inspires me to attend to her, and responds to my attention with compliance, with devotion. Compliance begets attention; attention begets compliance. You get wet. I get hard. And there’s a happy little mutually reinforcing arousal circle.

But there are other women. Women who are more interested in the part where I pay attention to them than in the part where I get what I want. This doesn’t work very long. Allie was that way. She had an infinite appetite for my attention, but the part where she actually gave me what I want? That didn’t seem to do much for her. Ditto, in the end, Luna. And Lauren.

Emily is that way, a little. But she’s different: while she doesn’t give me what I want, she gives me a lot anyway, and finds ways to make it be, while frustrating, still enough to keep me around. And so, day after day, she sends me unsatisfying nuggets on Snapchat. And I keep asking for more.

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