I’m a guy with an unusual, rule-violating Tinder profile. My profile picture is my husky, the wolfish creature at the top of this page (if you’re not on a phone). My other pics? Hotness culled from my Tumblr (stolen from people who have stolen them, for the most part). A significant portion of women with whom I have the beginnings of conversations on Tinder evaporate when they realize I’m really not going to send them a face picture.
I get this. I understand the rules of Tinder, and I can’t fully comply. So take me or leave me. That’s just how it is. How it has to be. Anyone who’s read more than a little of this blog can understand why.
And maybe this disqualifies me from offering advice to women on their Tinder profiles. Or maybe it doesn’t. I don’t know. In any event, it won’t stop me from offering advice:
1. Don’t make faces in your pictures. You have six chances to make me want to know you. Duck faces and worse communicate very effectively that you’re uncomfortable being seen as you are, for whatever reason. Is that really what you want to communicate? (One such picture can be forgiven – sure, I get it, you’re “fun.” But the vast majority of face-makers are multiple face-makers, making faces in most or all of their pics.) If you don’t want me to see your face, make me interested in you in other ways, like I (try to) do. Don’t tell me you don’t like how your face looks. Shit, if you don’t like how it looks, you really think I will?
2. Don’t show me how much hotter you are than your friends or, worse, how much hotter your friends are than you. Seriously.
3. Maybe I’m just a blue-state guy, but if you like to shoot guns, why not tell me that after we’ve met?
4. If you don’t have any pictures that don’t feature your (daughter/son/dog/cat/ferret), maybe you should get some. Unless you really mean that you’re looking for someone into all that. In which case I wonder about the utility of Tinder in your search.
5. See 4, only BATHROOM. Jesus. The first time I see your face, let it not also be the first time I see your toilet. Please?