To submit, or not to submit–that is the question

To date, my sex life has consisted almost entirely of assertions of my power and control. I’ve done this with money, paying women to give me massages or provide lap dances or companionship; I’ve done it with dominance, providing direction and instructions, giving shape to sexual encounters and ensuring they look as I would have them look; and I’ve done it with my orgasm, controlling it, as I do, such that it is almost never something that happens to me, but rather, almost always something I either choose to do, or choose to permit.  (More on this elsewhere, but suffice it to say, I have infinite stamina and nearly perfect self-control.)

In recent days, I’ve found myself pondering what it would be like to put myself in a position where control were handed to another, where rather than being the dom, I’d be the sub. Here’s what’s interesting about pondering such a reversal: altho

ugh it’s not particularly sexually arousing (notwithstanding what I’ve written about Jade Morey), it is nonetheless profoundly appealing and intriguing – mostly intellectually, but with a hint of sexual excitement somewhere there deep in the background. I find myself almost irresistibly drawn: what would it be like to relax, to let go of the need to plan an encounter, to direct the action?

As I went to meet L for our abortive date last night I thought about this: the pressure of conjuring a fun plan was, well, fun. But imagining ceding that responsibility feels fun too, and in a wholly different, and unfamiliar way.

I know what this means: I should try it.


  1. Personally, I find depictions of female submission to male domination off-putting, yet I still sometimes enjoy actually being in that bottom role, myself… being bound and unable to interfere with the pleasure being served to me.  After all, sometimes there is pleasure in being surprised, and being surprised tends to not be compatible with being in control… plus being the "doer" sometimes makes it difficult to focus on the pleasure.  Not always, obviously!  Being top provides all sorts of its own pleasures!  But there can be some enjoyment derived from letting someone else take the reins.  Also, there is the option of "topping from the bottom," not truly losing your control while still being served.  That is what I enjoy doing when I am a "bottom."

  2. I have a couple of responses: first, like you, I find depictions of female submission to male domination off-putting. Or worse. I really don't like them. Well, not exactly – I can handle (and enjoy) a relatively tame face-fucking, but once the depiction captures any discomfort on the part of the woman – whether it's pain or humiliation – I start to worry about the circumstances in which the image was produced. This isn't a political concern: it's bona fide anxiety and empathy. I just can't comfortably allow myself not to imagine the possibility of a non-consensual arrangement. This is true even with sites like those of, where, clearly, it's all done in a "friendly" environment, and yet, it features extreme humiliation and pain. I just can't watch.As for topping from the bottom, as a top, there's nothing I have less patience for. As a bottom, it may well appeal to me. 😉

  3. "As for topping from the bottom, as a top, there's nothing I have less patience for. As a bottom, it may well appeal to me. ;-)"Heh, I didn't figure that you'd want a bottom to top from the bottom to you, but just that it might work for you if you want to try bottoming.  🙂

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