Selfie Rules

1. No toilets, toilet paper, sinks, or bathroom stalls.

2. In fact, if you have to take a selfie in a bathroom, FFS find a way to make the location indeterminate.

3. Never fill the screen. There should be space between your flesh/body/clothes and at least two, and generally three, sides of the picture.

4. Be mindful of – and strive to reduce or eliminate – distracting irrelevant items in the background.

5. I love seeing your thighs closed. If I also see them open, wide, immediately after.

6. I never ever want to see an exposed nipple or vulva or labia unless I specifically, explicitly request it. Which I’m unlikely (but not certain not) to do.

7. Never accompany, precede, or follow, a photo or video with self-deprecation. Never obscure your beauty by communicating anxiety or insecurity about it, whenever with words, funny faces/expressions/gestures, or attitude. Insecurity is human. It isn’t hot, unless presented reflectively, at some distance from that which is provided for simulative purposes. (It’s very different to say, several hours after having sent a photo, “I sometimes find it hard to grant certain of your request because of my irrational anxiety about my thighs” than to say, as you press send on a photo, “But my thighs are so fat/thin/ugly!”)

8. Show yourself how you want me to see you, not how you fear I might see you.

9. Always angle your eyes up, if your eyes are in the photo.

10. Any image or video sent to me shall be intended for me alone, shall have been created with me in mind, and shall become my property upon transmission. I will never do anything other than jerk off to it, but the point is, don’t send me work you’ve done for or shared with others, and don’t share work you’ve done for me with others, without my explicit permission.