Just an omnipotent, narcissistic fantasy

I found this scribbled in an old notebook. There’s no date on it, but, if I had to guess, I wrote it three or four years ago. I think (but I’m not certain) I wrote it about a woman in a bar with whom I had flirted once or twice previously.

Omnipotent, narcissistic fantasy

  1. She should want me and only me.
  2. If she wants others, it diminishes me.
  3. It reflects poorly on her that, in my presence, she doesn’t drop everything for me.
  4. It reflects poorly on the men surrounding her that they’re trying to seduce/win/take advantage of her.
  5. If I were to seduce her, it would reflect well on each of us. On both of us.

It’s fucking crazy.

I don’t matter to her. She doesn’t matter to me. Not in a malevolent way – just in an honest appraisal of our respective roles in one another’s lives. I know this. We each represent a bit of compelling fun to the other.

In a best-case scenario, honestly, it’s a lot of compelling fun. But still – it’s just fun.

Likely time-limited. With the fun stacked at the front end.

Nothing wrong with that. It’s fun.

But somehow, the drama I’m playing out in my mind is much higher stakes.

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