Pain and desire

Back when I started blogging, over four years ago, I had a sister blogger named Liza. She wrote a steamy blog called “Always Each Other,” about her and her husband’s scorching hot sex life. What gave her an edge, what made her blog interesting, was that they hadn’t always had a hot sex life. In fact, for years, they had had no sex life. Although Liza didn’t write a lot about their sexless time, she wrote enough to gather that chronic pain has been a big part of their problem. Not all of it, but a big part of it.

As with the vast majority of sex blogs, Liza’s didn’t last. It’s hard to know exactly what happened, why she stopped writing, but she gave some hints that her pain had returned, and with it, a much less blog-worthy sex life. This was a loss to me on several levels. First, foremost, because Liza was something of a friend. I cared about her. I actually met her, twice, and her husband, once, and I was genuinely sad for them that things went sideways (or seemed to have done so). But it also was a loss because Liza is a terrific writer, one who, rare among sex bloggers, had a knack for writing not just about naughty bits as subjects and objects, but about feelings, emotions, ideas, and how they interact with naughty bits.

Lately, I’ve had my own taste of pretty dramatic pain. It’s been a year, now, since I made it through a day without pretty severe pain, and several months since I didn’t need powerful narcotics even just to function. This has, as you might imagine, and might have noticed, exacted quite a toll on my sex drive, and my sex life.

I don’t want to go dark. I value not just the writing I’ve done here, but the learning I’ve done, the friends I’ve made, the fun I’ve had.

I know that some (most?) of my readers just read me for the sex. I know the pages that get the most hits. But I also know that there’s a core of you who read because… well, because you’re interested in me, in how I think, in what I do.

I need to figure out how to continue to write, to get the benefits I get from writing, in spite of the current situation in which I find myself.

Bear with me.


  1. I’m still reading. I enjoy reading much of what you write, not just the sex. I don’t want you to be in pain, and I certainly don’t want you to have to use narcotics to cope with your pain. I know the side effects. However, I like reading posts such as this one. Honest and raw. I can relate to the pain. Physical and emotional

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.