More on relationships

There are two basic principles I find it helpful to bear in mind in relationships: first, relationships are co-constructions of two people. If there are aspects of a relationship that make me unhappy, it’s almost always more productive for me to wonder what WE did to make it so than to blame you for its being so. And second, when something is bugging me, it’s much more helpful for me to think about things I can do to fix it than to think about things YOU can do to fix it.

Again, this isn’t to say that I’m the center of the universe, or that you never do anything wrong. It’s more of a strategic point: I can’t change your behavior, but I can change mine.

One comment

  1. A very sensible way to look at relationships, or at how to fix things when it doesn’t work satisfactorily (for you). Though, as you say, it’s a “co-construction of two people”. If one of them doesn’t want to construct in the same direction as the other anymore, at some point, the relationship is doomed…
    And as I was writing all this thinking of my own relationship/marriage, I thought of your work relationship with your editor… think you can apply any of your wisdom to that case? (though to be fair, the way you presented it to us shows that you already did to some extent).

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