Regular readers know I love Dan Savage – I think he mostly gives spot-on advice, with an entertaining tropism toward the harsh.

He is generally credited, appropriately, with coining the word “monogamish” to describe that thing some of us do where we live in committed, long-term marriages, in which sex with others is not thought of as some sort of third rail, but rather, as a deepening of our intellectual, emotional, and yes, sexual bonds with our partners.

He explains monogamish-ness so much better than I can.

Listen to the first ten minutes of this podcast, if you’re curious. (He takes a minute or three to get to the point – stick around, or fast forward, for it.)


  1. Thank you for this… I still have a lot of questions, but hey, one thing at a time!
    Oh, and listening to it, I couldn’t help but wonder : did you get to fuck the babysitter? 🙂

    1. Thankfully, that’s never been an issue. We’ve only had one I ever even appreciated visually in that way, but my sense of boundaries is sufficiently strong that even that fantasy never progressed beyond (very mild, tame) visual appreciation. In general, I like ’em a bit older. And further from my house.

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