Cultural sexual hegemony and me, #5 – Moaning

“Female copulatory vocalization.” You know, chicks making noise during sex.

When I paid for massages, some of the (less favored, by me) women I saw would, while standing adjacent to me, my cock in their hand, inexplicably start moaning as I approached orgasm. Were they turned on? It’s hard to imagine – the women who moaned the loudest generally were those who seemed, otherwise, to be least, um, into it.

Did they think they were turning me on? I assume so.

Female humans and some other primates vocalize during sex. They do so, according to Wikipedia (at least today), “to express sexual pleasure and to excite their sexual partners as well as potential sexual partners.”

Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha (in Sex at Dawn, which I didn’t like) cherry-picked some anthropological data to argue that the reason you women make noise during sex with me is an evolutionary adaptation to attract men other than me, to tell those other guys you’re sexually available.

I have nothing against a little FCV. In the heat of sex, there’s no question but that a woman’s moans can bring me over the edge. But I’m not such a naïve consumer of porn (or commercial sex, or sex) that I’m easily fooled. This isn’t to claim that no woman ever has successfully faked an orgasm with me, or even that I’m consistently able to discern which of my sexual partners’ pleasure is genuine and which is not. It’s simply to say that, if we men are on a continuum, I’m in whichever quartile is best able to discern between true and false. (I should be. I’ve had a disproportionate amount of the false stuff, given my time in the rabbit hole of commercial sex.)

But it is to say this: 99% of the moans in porn are fake. Or, if not fake, they’re produced out of some part of the brain and body disconnected from the sexual pleasure center: maybe they’re an involuntary attempt to turn me on. Which fail. Or worse than that: they actively cause what might otherwise to be hot scenes to be dick-shriveling.

For a moan to turn me on, it has to be truly involuntary (or at least, I have to believe it is). The best moans? The ones that you resist – that you can’t fucking help, that you’re making through the pillow I shoved on your face to shut you up so the hotel management doesn’t throw us out before we’re through (that happened once), so your neighbors don’t complain to your landlord (that happened once), so your roommate doesn’t hear us (that happened more times than I can count), so my neighbors don’t applaud when you come (that happened once).

Somehow, in straight porn (I don’t know about real lesbian porn), and in straight sex among many of “the kids today,” I gather that moaning is expected, it’s de rigueur, it’s almost an entitlement for the guy (yet another thing a woman has to do in a hook-up).

If my head’s between your thighs? Please don’t fake your moans. If my dick’s hard inside of you? Please don’t fake your moans.

Please don’t fake your moans.


  1. I agree that virtually all female moans in commercial straight porn are fake, and they are very distracting to me too. I often turn off the sound while watching porn.

    But let me point out one thing – just because I’m not getting any direct stimulation while giving a blowjob or a handjob, doesn’t mean my moans are fake. it actually IS quite arousing to bring someone to orgasm that way, especially men who are quite responsive and you can feel and hear their orgasm building up. That turns me on a lot, and I’ve often genuinely moan as they get closer to coming. (That is often followed by me masturbating to orgasm)

  2. I hate having to have a pillow shoved over my head… Is it because then, again, it implies sex and orgasm are something that isn’t OK? Somehow, and since orgasms are hard to reach for me, having to dive under a pillow usually is the best way for me not to get there… When I have an orgasm, I want to be able to celebrate it, be proud of it. And of the moans or cries that accompany it.

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