Breaking up is hard to do

I’m sad. I’ve lost something I really value, with someone I really care about. Is it made harder or easier by the fact that it’s involuntary, that neither of us wants it to stop?

I’m not sure. Her husband needs it to stop, that’s clear, and so it has, and will.

But now I’ve lost something I honestly never had before – a relationship with a fun, smart woman who was thrilled by my deviancy. A relationship that was weightless and yet fulfilling. Always in the past, weightlessness has been accompanied by, or a characteristic of, inconsequentiality. Not this time.

“Now you’ll just replace me,” she said sadly. But that’s not how (my) life works. Perhaps there will be a next partner in crime for me. Perhaps she’ll be awesome, we’ll have something awesome.

But it will be different, not a replacement.

When break-ups are initiated by, demanded by, one of the parties to the relationship, they have a finality, a clarity, even a discernible meaning.

When they come from without? Not so much.

A loss….

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