That’s where things are with L. Her husband has had some second thoughts about our relationship. I had told myself that if/when this happened – as it seemed enormously likely it would, at some point – it would be no trouble, that we’d just revert to our previous friendship and life would go on. And I suppose that’s all true.
But today? I’m at sixes and sevens. I miss sending her sexy e-mails, getting them from her (and it’s only been 36 hours since I did). I was cooking up some fun plans for the coming weeks. But when we began all this last Summer, I told her that I didn’t want to be a secret, didn’t want to be a toxin in her marriage, and nothing’s changed in that regard. I like her, her family, and want never to undermine it in any way.
One of the perils of this wacky way of being that we’ve elected is that it exposes us to all sorts of experiences and feelings that we haven’t felt since high school. Dating is hard: there’s rejection and hurt and loss in addition to all the good things that come of it. Today, I’m on the sad side.