Oct 292015

Hypothesis: the ponytail is a signifier, communicating much about a woman’s relationship to sex.

Ponytail variables include length, height, style, and neatness. I know – I know – that what I write will not be true in every case, and that I may well antagonize/alienate you, that your ponytail and your self may, in no way, conform to the hypotheses expounded below. But, characteristically, I’m not gonna let that slow me down.

In general, my hypothesis goes, a high ponytail, one close to the top of the head, indicates a preference for hair-pulling, rough sex, and general submissiveness. Coupled with self-confidence and, more often than not, intelligence.

A low ponytail, one close to the neck, indicates a lack of vanity, an open-mindedness, but is not, generally, indicative of submissiveness (and is, in fact, negatively correlated with it). Often, also, the low ponytail, particularly when messy, indicates somewhat attenuated self-esteem.

A mid-level ponytail, one in the middle of the head, typically indicates an openness to hair-pulling, and to submission, but not necessarily a commitment to it, not necessarily an identification with submission. And often, a somewhat lesser quantum of self-confidence.

There are exceptions to these hypotheses, of course: among the very WASP-y, the high ponytail often communicates the something different from what I speculated above. Instead of submission, it often communicates a haughty sense of entitlement and self-confidence. (Note: submission and self-confidence often come in a very sexy package.) Among athletes, high ponytails often simply reflect convenience.

And none of these hypotheses is a rule. They’re barely hypotheses. I have no confidence in them.

I’m simply articulating them because a hot chick with a high ponytail walked by, and I want to believe she’s a submissive brainiac. 😉

Say something! (I just did....)