Apr 132015

My questions mostly regard what appears to be your very successful pastime as a serial lover of many other hot, sexual women. I haven’t read all of your essays yet, but I’m struck by how smart and emotionally/intellectually sophisticated so many of your lovers seem to be. The way you describe your real life is essentially the real-life animation of a fantasy I’ve carried around for years, in which a fellow such as myself can maintain one or more fuck-buddy-style relationships with women who really do just want to be pals and occasionally get naked and horny together, and that’s it. The way I think about is like having a regular tennis or running buddy. When you’re up for a game you get together and have fun. But it’s not like your lives are deeply connected.

I don’t invest a lot of time looking around. Most often I stick to Craigslist, sniffing through the W4M ads (I don’t bother with women under 35 tho). I’ll place an ad on occasion looking for women interested in NSA fun, but rarely hear back. And when I answer the occasional woman’s ad that sounds right (in terms of sex, intellect and expectations) I rarely ever hear back. So I’m doing something wrong, I think. Either looking in the wrong place, or inadvertently projecting the wrong kind of vibe. My usual thing is to appear as nice and normal as possible. Just a regular guy with a good body and a nice-looking cock who is up for hot sex, and won’t violate your boundaries, etc along the way.

Occasionally something will work out but I think it’s clear that I’m either looking in the wrong place or communicating the wrong thing. So hmm. Any quick ideas as to what I’m doing wrong?

I don’t know that I see my sex life quite the way you do, but, for the purpose of getting to your question – “How do you recommend I go about identifying a few regular companions for fun times, no strings attached?” I’ll stipulate to your description.

You write “I don’t invest a lot of time looking around.” You have to know that my sex life is anything but effortless. For every woman I connect sexually with, there are dozens of aborted exchanges and interactions. And for every woman with whom I have even an aborted exchange or interaction, there are dozens (more, probably) of swipes on Tinder, or salvos on OK Cupid. (A note: Tinder has been HUGELY helpful to my efforts to meet women who find me compelling and whom I find compelling.)

And, there’s this blog: a HUGE and, ultimately (now that it’s over three years old and has over a thousand posts covering every imaginable subject) highly efficient way of communicating who I am, what I’m like. As a result of this blog, I can’t even begin to know how many women decide to stay away without explicitly rejecting me. But it’s a LOT. Or, how many find themselves interested in something they didn’t previously know interested them.

All of which is to say, in my experience, the thing you seem to imagine I enjoy so effortlessly is in fact a) not at all effortless on my part, and b) not at all common among the desires of the “emotionally/intellectually sophisticated” women you and I both so appreciate.

I have figured out, for better or worse, a way of communicating who I am sexually, what I offer sexually, to a self-selecting audience. It consumes an enormous amount of my time and energy, and delivers some tremendous rewards to me, and to the women I’ve gotten to know.

If what I have, how I live, appeals to you, I don’t really have any suggestions other than to find your own version of my path. Communicate who you are, what you offer, what you want robustly, honestly. Invest a lot of time and energy. And be prepared for LOTS of disappointment and rejection.

But what you say you want is not, in my experience, even remotely consistent with not investing a lot of time.

Say something! (I just did....)