On being sexy, ill, and blogging

Liza wrote the other day about some problems she’s been having, both with sex and with writing.  (And then, promptly, followed with a bunch of characteristically great posts, about burlesque, about gentle sex with her husband and the smell of her orgasm.)  And I’ve been silent for almost a week – I’m pretty sure the longest dry spell since I began blogging.  And now, I’m here, writing, but not yet, quite, writing sexy, or even, really, about sex.

Being sick, over the last seven days, I’ve not felt like writing, or even reading, about sex (or honestly, much of anything).  I’m behind in pretty much everything.

And today, as I was on my way to my doctor’s office, I noticed something:  I found myself thinking about sex.  I was looking at women on the subway in an appreciative way.  (The other day, when I was on my way to the doctor, I mustered a tweeted creep shot, but it was forced.)  I was still feverish, still not 100% – still barely over 50%, I think, but some of my more accustomed sensations were returning.  A few hours later, when I got home, I tackled some of the other work on which I’ve fallen so far behind with something approaching gusto, and I noticed it.  I noticed that there was a feeling in me that had grown unfamiliar in recent days – call it the feeling of “N-ness.”  And not just “N-ness,” but “N’s-alter-ness.”  In other words, I just started feeling more like myself.  And lately, what that means (among other things), is that I found myself wanting to write.

I haven’t done a lot of writing as N, today, but I trust I’m twitching back into life.  I just read others’ blogs for about half an hour (including this hysterical, sadistic tale by Dumb Domme.  I confess, it’s a little too far into the land of sadism to be hot to me, but I did really enjoy reading it).  And as I read that, I found myself thinking about something I ponder from time to time:  “Just what is the ‘neighborhood’ in which I belong on the web?”  My blog is not a “sex blog,” pure and simple.  There are a number of blogs (some on my blogroll) whose every post is hot.  Whose posts about food are even hot.  I definitely have my share of hot posts, but those are balanced by (tainted with?) posts that either are opinionated, or historical, or critical, but, in any event, not particularly hot.  Some (gasp) aren’t even really about sex.

And I went and looked at my blogroll, and I saw that one of the casualties of moving to my self-hosted existence a few months ago is that I lost the large blogroll I had on blogger – all the folks I read, and really respect, who don’t just write hot, but who write smart, or funny, or edgy, or critical, but about sex.  I was heavy on the “look at the great sex we have” blogs, and light on the “sex is a really interesting thing to think and write about, as well as to do” blogs.

And you know what? That latter neighborhood is the neighborhood where I want to live.

Anyway – I’m back, I’ll be writing more in coming days.  See you soon.


  1. Sounds like we’ve both been going through a rough time. I haven’t felt like myself either, and I know what you mean about getting your N-ness back. In other matters, I hope you’ll find a way to post the other blogs you’ve been reading because I (and others, I’m sure) can always use a new turn-on, mentally and physically.

    1. I’m working on that.  One thing that the exchange below with DD (whose blog I totally love) shows is the danger of saying anything about another’s blog.

  2. I used to be ALL about the sexy, in my first year or even two. And guess what. That got boring. It became trite. And I see it in others sometimes. And the blogs that burn out? They’re usually the “look at the great sex we have” blogs. Real life is NOT ALWAYS SEXY. And unless your site is strictly and firmly nothing but erotica then one should never stick to just one little angle. Throwing in many angles makes the person, and their blog, that much more interesting. I do have one or two sites on my blogroll that are strictly erotica – but it’s GOOD erotica and it’s not about their own sex life. So it’s not at all a personal site and I don’t feel the need to know more about them. Everything else though I really want to know about the person. If I don’t like you then I’m not going to be aroused by your posts about hot sex. And frankly I don’t always want to read about the sex you had last night. I’m not in the mood. But show me a good Op-Ed piec, a rant about something, etc….and I’ll be interested 95% of the time. 

  3. Oh, and one more thing. You can’t say this isn’t a “sex blog”. There is no one, single definition to a sex blog. There are MANY.
    Do you write about sex?
    Are “adult” or “NSFW” topics the norm?
    Do you write about sexuality in general, sex toys, etc?
    Should your blog only be visited by those 18 and older?

    Yes? To any? IT’S A SEX BLOG, sorry to tell ya 😉

    1. Oh, Geez. What a pain you are. I’m describing the way my sexuality responds, not the pros and cons of your writing/sex. Which I fucking love. Relax and take a compliment, DD.

      1. I was just describing the way my sarcasm responds to your seemingly backhanded compliment. Howabout next time you feel like paying me a compliment, don’t.

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