Polyamory, seriously?

I met this woman on OKCupid.  She was a 99% match.  This was in the time when I still held out hope for OKC and didn’t understand to be the endless timesink that it is.  Thing is, she was not a thousand miles away, but TWO thousand miles away.  But that wasn’t all.

We got to chatting – she was enthused to meet someone like me, someone as much like her as the OKC algorithm seemed to suggest I was – and we discovered that we both are poly-ish.  Though I always resist that label, as it elevates an aspect of me that I don’t really elevate in my own self-conception – which isn’t to say that I’m ashamed of what it implies, just that I don’t think of myself as “essentially” poly in the way that I’m “essentially” straight(ish), or male, or whatever.  What I mean by poly is that I like screwing around, that I enjoy playing with intimacy, both sexual and emotional, and power, and that I don’t (currently, thankfully) feel constrained in doing so with people other than the woman to whom I’m married.  And that I don’t (currently, thankfully) feel inclined (or entitled) to limit her explorations.  That’s all a description of how things are today.  Not how they were yesterday, and maybe not how they’ll be tomorrow.

Anyway, back to the OKC woman:  she wrote that she was so lonely where she is, because there’s no poly community there, and she has to travel over 100 miles just to get to a meeting of other poly people.

A meeting?

If I’m driving 100 miles, I better damned well be getting laid….


  1. HAHA! Well of course there would need to be a philosophical discussion about boundaries and needs, a contract drawn up and agreed by all parties; those involved and those outside of the immediate sexual encounter. Then you’d need a calendar and some coloured marker pens to draw up a schedule and plan for the liaison and of course you would want to know if said liaison was primary or secondary in nature, whether it were truly polyamorous or just a passing fuck and if that were so would that make you a slut or a stag and if it did would that be a value judgement or simply a reclamation of the English language…. 🙂

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