May 122017
 

I wrote about a version of this fantasy long ago, when I wrote about my core fantasy. But some years on, I thought I would revisit one element of that fantasy. If I were to understand it, I imagine I would go a long way toward understanding my motivations, my excitement, my wounds, and my desires.

The fantasy is this: I want a woman who enjoys giving me what I want – who gets off on giving me what I want – to do something for me. (Let’s call this woman “you,” for the purposes of this post.)

I want you to find a woman for me. To pander to me.

I don’t care, honestly, if you find her on OkCupid, or Tinder, or Blendr, or J-Date. Or in a bar, or on Craigslist, or on Backpage.com or Eros.com or SeekingArrangement.com. I don’t care if she’s with me on her own steam or if you’ve paid her out of your own pocket. But I don’t want to pay her. And if you pay her, I want her to want to be with me nonetheless. Or at least, to be a damned good actress.

I want her to be skilled in the ways of pleasing me – I want her body to yield to my touch, I want her to say yes – or no, respectfully – to any and all of my requests.

And I want her to be hot.

In an earlier iteration of this fantasy, I imagined a lengthy process of proposal and winnowing and selection. You would propose a hundred, I would narrow it down to twenty. You narrow it down to ten, I narrow it down to five. And then, perhaps, you would surprise me with one or two final selections.

Right now, I’m just curious about what it is about you subordinating your desire so completely to mine in this fantasy that I find so hot. This is not a fantasy about my not having sex with you. Or, about my having sex with this other woman. What matters is that you provide her to me. Which is, to me, like the greatest blowjob I can imagine. Times ten.

Some men enjoy being cuckolded. I don’t. I recognize the sense in which this fantasy has some structural similarities to cuckolding (in reverse). And yet, it’s different. Maybe I’ll think more about this in coming days….

Do you have thoughts? Wanna get me laid? 😉

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