Territory
The Interior
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Jealousy?
Read moreWhat I call jealousy is really something more primitive — the fear that I’ve simply ceased to exist in your mind.
Over-determined
Read morePoor decision-making on my part.
A realization
Read moreLiving in fear of the past….
Mining for disappointment
Read moreCharlotte lifts her dress for me, and I manage to be… disappointed?!?
Charlotte is good to me
Read moreCharlotte wants to come. She forgets that she – in the current configuration – comes for ME.
Moth/flame
Read moreI fly toward flames — jealousy, rejection, abandonment — and then wonder why I’m singed. Charlotte and I are working out the terms of our burning.
Charlotte has a threesome (without me)
Read moreCharlotte had her second threesome.
Episode 9: postscript (version 2 – outtakes)
Read moreEvery silver lining has a cloud. The alcohol got away from me at the end, and what had been a truly spectacular day ended sloppily.
Thinking thinking thinking
Read moreFumbling our way forward, Charlotte and I….
Episode 9: the aftermath
Read moreComing apart, just a little, afterwards….
On being stood up
Read moreIn which I’m stood up by a woman I’ve yet to meet.
Suffering abandonment
Read moreCharlotte’s leaving me – at least for an evening. And, good girl that she is, she’s taking care of me in her absence. But it’s NOT easy.
Sharing submission
Read moreMaking myself comfortable in the face of loss and abandonment.
On jealousy and writing (a fragment)
Read moreSometimes, I hold back when I write. Or, I don’t write, out of holding back.
Melrose’s place
Read moreThe final tantalizing, unsatisfying part of a date with Charlotte.
Texts i’m always happy to receive
Read moreIt’s really easy to step away from me in a way that won’t hurt me. Please – don’t hurt me.
Trauma bond
Read moreHow I use Charlotte to revisit my painful past. Not her fault, but….
Contested history, memory, and the body
Read moreAnother part of my mother’s abandonment of me, of my loss of safety.
A few more thoughts on arrogance
Read moreBoth sides, now.
Anger
Read moreWhat is it that makes me REALLY angry?
