Territory
The Interior
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Lip filler
Read moreEvery woman I see has done something to her lips, and all it makes me want to do is run.
My knees
Read moreTwo knee replacements coming, and I can barely walk fifty yards to the bike share without crying.
Not about a woman
Read moreI don’t look at porn because I want a woman. If you understood that, maybe you’d feel sad for me.
Paean
Read moreBiking through lower Manhattan, surrounded by beautiful women, wanting all of it and knowing better.
Mass and void
Read moreI’ve only got four pictures of you, and your sweaters tell me everything I need to know.
I want to know
Read moreI know you’re barely awake – but when you touch yourself, I want every detail.
The scene at the bar, two young blondes, a sixty-something man, a fifty-something man, a forty-something man, and me
Read moreTwo young blondes at the bar, three older men circling, and me — telling myself I’m not one of them.
Too late
Read moreI should have gone there first. By the time the bar called my name, it was too late.
My fear of ai
Read moreEveryone I know is scared of AI, and I probably use it more than all of them. Here’s what actually frightens me.
I asked about your masturbation
Read moreI asked, you answered, and I didn’t love the answer. I’m a toddler: if you’re masturbating, I want you thinking about me.
Infinitude, porn
Read moreA terabyte of porn on my disk, thousands of women, and I’d still rather be hunting than looking.
Fear, sadness
Read moreI’m getting two new knees in my 50s, and I’m terrified.
Paean
Read moreThree small scotches in, sad and tipsy at the bar, cataloguing the women on either side of me.
Folly continued yet again
Read moreP emailed again, and my heart leapt again – like it always does, like an idiot.
Paean
Read moreKelly green bike shorts, a high braid, and suddenly I’m riding faster than I meant to.
On loneliness, deadness, and connection
Read moreI used to check my answering machine ten times a day. It was never about being important.
Remembering i’m alive
Read moreEvery time a woman sends me a photo, my heart leaps – and I stop believing there’s something wrong with me.
Beauty at the gym
Read moreI can’t take my eyes off the tiny blonde at Crunch. Every line I could open with sounds creepy — so I say nothing.
Mania or feeling alive: new relationship energy
Read moreI’m surfing new relationship energy again, and the disappointments are half the thrill.
Impotent power redux: conjuring fantasies for others
Read moreGangbangs don’t turn me on. But I’ve been conjuring one for Margot, and I want a very particular seat at it.
