Territory
The Interior
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Folly continued yet again
Read moreP emailed again, and my heart leapt again – like it always does, like an idiot.
Paean
Read moreKelly green bike shorts, a high braid, and suddenly I’m riding faster than I meant to.
On loneliness, deadness, and connection
Read moreI used to check my answering machine ten times a day. It was never about being important.
Remembering i’m alive
Read moreEvery time a woman sends me a photo, my heart leaps – and I stop believing there’s something wrong with me.
Beauty at the gym
Read moreI can’t take my eyes off the tiny blonde at Crunch. Every line I could open with sounds creepy — so I say nothing.
Mania or feeling alive: new relationship energy
Read moreI’m surfing new relationship energy again, and the disappointments are half the thrill.
Impotent power redux: conjuring fantasies for others
Read moreGangbangs don’t turn me on. But I’ve been conjuring one for Margot, and I want a very particular seat at it.
Vitality, deadness, and sexual viability
Read moreMostly I feel dead, and both my knees need replacing — then Margot, Jade, and an email from P out of the blue.
Gifting rules (dayum)
Read moreAnything I buy for you belongs to me as long as we know each other. I can see you in what I get you when I want, and I’d prefer you not wear them with other men while we’re involved.
Job description for a submissive assistant role
Read moreA job description for a submissive assistant role, outlining responsibilities, qualifications, compensation. and the application process.
Forbidden secret fantasies about margot
Read moreI can’t have this fantasy – Margot isn’t available unless I pay. So here are three versions of it anyway.
Warning: less editing ahead on this blog
Read moreI’m here for me, not for you — and I mean that in the nicest possible way. Expect more typos.
Margot wants a gangbang: trust and fantasy
Read moreI reflect on a conversation with Margot about her unrealized fantasy of double penetration and a gangbang, realizing what excites me isn’t the act itself but the trust she’d place in me to keep her safe while curating such an evening — and the gratitude that might follow.
Custody of the eyes
Read moreRethinking an old concept
Ghosting, repetition, and my pattern with women
Read moreI experience connections as deep and real, but they end not in intentional closure but in disappearance. This is my compulsive repetition of courting and failing to avoid abandonment.
A direct desire letter to sydney
Read moreA candid message to Sydney, distinguishing between my general desire for cunnilingus and my specific desire for her, while framing it carefully to avoid unwelcome intrusion.
The internet has changed and so has this blog
Read moreNobody’s reading this anymore – or if they are, it’s through a chatbot. I miss the traffic spikes more than I want to admit.
Dating tina: chemistry, submission, and running away
Read moreTina has a voice like catnip and everything else going for her – but I asked her to wear something green, and she said she was busy.
Isabella: desire, loss, and overlapping worlds
Read moreI’m writing about Isabella, one of two women who taught me the most about my sexuality. She showed me my cock could be an object of desire, while the Secretary taught me my desire itself could be desired. I miss them both — not just for sex, but for the intimacy we shared.
Shame: reflections on self-acceptance over time
Read moreI used to put everything here, no flinching. Now there’s a list of things I won’t confess, and I can feel why.
