Territory
The Interior
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More thoughts about rejection, and the porcelain doll
Read moreRejection stings worst when it echoes old wounds. My readers let me know I had my head up my ass, and they weren’t wrong.
Porcelain doll
Read moreShe looked like a porcelain doll — red lips, red hair, pale skin. I thought we’d become friends. Turns out I’d only ever been a customer.
Dates vs. sure things
Read moreMost of my dates are sure things. This one won’t be, and that means something much scarier than not getting laid: the possibility of being rejected not for my looks, but for *me*.
Fear of rejection, and shame
Read moreThe distance between who I am online and who I am in the world protects me from more than I like to admit.
Sex and death (2)
Read moreSometimes all I want is to be hard — not to connect, not to come, but to counter a deadness deep within me with the undeniable sensation of being alive.
Youth and adulthood
Read moreMy body responds before my mind does, but thankfully, my mind wins every time — and it’s not virtue, it’s something deeper and darker that keeps me honest.
Tales of rejection
Read moreThere’s so much more sex I don’t have than sex I have. Sometimes I wonder if it’s not the rejections I crave even more.
Bad dates and compulsion
Read moreI can predict the outcome of a date with near-perfect accuracy, which only raises the question of why I sometimes go on the ones I know will be bad.
Sex doesn’t excite me
Read moreWhat gets me hard isn’t your body — it’s knowing you need me to do what I’m about to do to it.
On being used
Read moreShe used me to come, and then she vanished. I knew she would — there were tells — but I kept the screenshots anyway.
Bafflement, or, dissociation
Read moreShe flew too close to the sun — not me, but her own desire — and then she was gone.
Sometimes my dick isn’t hard
Read moreIf my cock isn’t hard, I start to wonder if I’m still alive.
Question:
Read moreA sexy reader asks me about desire and arousal, and I have some thoughts.
My narcissism, #17
Read moreApproval is my drug, and I’ve found a way to deal it to myself in public.
On using women, part 2
Read moreI ended things with someone today, which shows how I don’t use women. Then I posted about it here, which shows how maybe I do.
Memories
Read moreWalking past a porn store, I remember the soul-crushing hours I spent in places like it, gazing at box covers in a dissociative haze, searching for a fix that would never come.
Discomfort
Read moreThe ethics of openness, secrecy, and desire — and the icky feeling when someone else gets what you can’t have, precisely because they’re willing to be dishonest about it.
I often seem to misunderstand
Read moreTinder is teaching me that not everyone treats interactions — virtual or otherwise — as real. I do, and it stings when that’s not reciprocated.
Pleasing me
Read moreToo much eagerness to please me is, paradoxically, a turnoff. I have some theories about why.
Farewell to sofia
Read moreShe never once tripped the wire of my fragile desire, and now she’s gone.
