Territory
The Interior
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Catalog of disappointment
Read moreI revisit the same disappointment over and over, with woman after woman. Today alone, I managed it half a dozen times.
Missing serena
Read moreI’m a block from Serena, and I’m not going to tell her.
Serena’s fade-out
Read moreMy affair with Serena is flickering out, and the pain has been overwhelming. I’ve kept my thoughts hidden, too raw and vulnerable. Now, I’m torn between rage and terror, emotions that clash with my rational understanding.
Fear and uncertainty in dating
Read moreI find that if I mine my interactions with, and feelings about, various women in my life, I can learn a lot of interesting stuff. Mostly around my fear and uncertainty in dating.
Reflections the day after a sex party
Read moreMore than anything, sex parties make me THINK. The day after a sex party, I’m filled with thoughts, imaginings, and reflections.
Lateness, abandonment, and my psychosis (a journal entry)
Read moreSerena is late, and disappoints me just a bit. Turns out, I manage it fine.
Narcissism
Read moreI write a blog, and have done for over a decade, so, naturally, I’m filled with narcissism.
Another in a series on intrusive thoughts
Read moreIntrusive thoughts on a massage table.
Intrusive thoughts
Read moreI have a LOT of intrusive thoughts.
Shame, again
Read moreI’m just always happier when I’m myself.
All about my mother (#2,111)
Read moreThe power of the unconscious, or, how I use women.
Eating serena
Read moreA birthday meal. And a disappearance.
Rethinking marina
Read more‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?
Secrecy and shame
Read moreA fragment on secrecy and shame.
Checkmate – an nyc sex club – a night of fun and regret
Read moreThe beginning of a trip to Checkmate – a New York sex club – with Charlotte and Milica.
A sense of aliveness
Read moreI feel alive.
Romanticization
Read moreDo I romanticize? I don’t think so. Not so much.
An epiphany, of sorts
Read moreReconciling myself to the inevitability of imperfection, the certainty of loss.
Epiphanies
Read moreIn which I realize some things about how I’m crazy, revisiting ancient wounds of loss.
A torrid evening with hope
Read moreHidden sushi, crimson panties, and a reunion with Hope’s warm mouth after a very long time away.
