Intimacy

I experience connections as deep and real, but they end not in intentional closure but in disappearance. This is my compulsive repetition of courting and failing to avoid abandonment.

I’ve dated several beautiful, intelligent women recently but can’t muster a physical response. With Tina, whose voice is catnip, the problem is she’s not submissive — when I asked her to wear something green and she deflected, every alarm bell went off, and now, shamefully, I want to run.

I’m writing about Isabella, one of two women who taught me the most about my sexuality. She showed me my cock could be an object of desire, while the Secretary taught me my desire itself could be desired. I miss them both — not just for sex, but for the intimacy we shared.

I had intense and uneven sex with Saya after one of her parties, shaped by her exhaustion, my desire, and our ambiguous emotional entanglement.