Territory
The Social World
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Advice (solicited)
Read moreA sexy young bartender asks me for marriage advice. My first instincts are not, shall we say, helpful. But then I get serious.
Paean
Read moreA tiny, gorgeous, engaged bartender asked me for marriage advice. I gave her some. But mostly, I just stared.
Two more dissolutes – may
Read moreHy and I swap blog recommendations again — this month, I’m drawn to the cold, almost sociopathic detachment of a john in Amsterdam, and to the sharp voices of sex workers writing about their own lives.
Dominance, submission, feminism, and okc
Read moreAn exchange on OKCupid about dominance, submission, and feminism that I found… illuminating.
Morality
Read moreMy ethical compass spins differently depending on the woman, the situation, the lies being told and to whom — and I’m not going to pretend otherwise.
On understanding myself as arrogant
Read moreI’ve never thought of myself as arrogant. Turns out, not everyone agrees.
The hydraulics of rejection
Read moreRejection makes me want a blow job from a stranger and a cigarette, in that order. Instead, I’m just sitting here, feeling it.
Semantics
Read moreThe language of monogamy is the language of faith — and of heresy.
Ddevious delights, rip
Read moreA farewell to one of my favorite New York sex party series, which has devolved into something I won’t be attending.
Single guys and sex parties
Read moreThe answer to how a single guy gets into a sex party is simpler than most men want it to be.
Lies, damn lies, and polyamory
Read moreThe ethics of fucking someone else’s partner aren’t mine to police. But the practical risks? Those I think about.
Inconsiderateness, trust, distance
Read moreI keep promising Sofia something simple, and I keep failing to deliver. The why of it is more interesting than the failure itself.
Loud sentences, overheard by (too?) many, in a bar
Read moreSentences overheard (by too many) in a bar.
Paean
Read moreA woman in a coffee shop, observed.
Paean
Read moreA woman on the subway, observed in close, hungry detail.
Risk
Read moreI don’t get off on breaking the rules. I want everyone — every lover, every partner — to be just fine with everything I do. Risk scares me. It doesn’t excite me.
Ashley madison
Read moreI was wrong about Ashley Madison.
On women’s age
Read moreA reader in her 40s asks whether I prefer younger women. The honest answer is complicated, and has to do with the difference between 2-D and 3-D.
My wife
Read moreI bought my wife sexy boots. She wore them for me. I responded like an enormous doofus.
Sofia – in pictures
Read moreSofia lives thousands of miles away, sends me more than my imagination could conjure, and does whatever I ask, smiling. Here she is.