Meeting women has changed dramatically over the last 15 years — from mass-swiping Tinder to the blog attracting partners organically — and now all avenues have dried up.

I’ve known V since 2011. We aren’t in touch, and I haz a sad.

I struggle to accept the loss of women in my life, a pattern rooted in losing my mother repeatedly.

Thinking about fucking. And anger. Mostly, anger.

A post from nearly nine years ago, languishing in my drafts.

Relationships lead to loss. Jealousy is how I remind myself of that certainty.

I’m planning an office visit for you.

V cooks me dinner. I tie her up, and wand her, and fuck her face. And then, I make myself come remembering the evening.

V – remember V – is back in my life. And boy, am I glad.

I’ve always liked jerking off. Lately, I’ve been enjoying jerking off with sex toys.