Acting out

Poor decision-making on my part.

I haven’t been writing much lately. I’ve been listening to too many podcasts. That has to STOP!

The space between wanting and doing, mapped out in real time.

Three rejections in one day, and I went to a coffee shop instead of a massage parlor.

Rejection makes me want a blow job from a stranger and a cigarette, in that order. Instead, I’m just sitting here, feeling it.

The massage parlor offers certainty. The bar offers something better, but almost certainly not.

Where shame comes from, and why I need it.

I tossed off a quick answer about loneliness, then spent the next few hours realizing I was wrong about myself — and tracing the line from rejection to shame to paying for the very rejection I was trying to escape.